


Things Worth Mentioning

by dorkery



Series: The Sweetest Summer [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, High School, Misunderstandings, Swim Team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-22
Updated: 2013-09-07
Packaged: 2017-12-24 07:39:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/937304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorkery/pseuds/dorkery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She's watched Haruka and Rin for long enough to know that they won't ever see her. So it's a surprise when one of them <i>does</i>.</p><p>(Fem!Makoto AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Laughter roared across the room, smoky with barbeque on the grill and dim with mood lighting, as one of the Samezuka regulars re-enacted a lighter moment in the joint Samezuka-Iwatobi weekend training camp. It had been a gruelling but fun two days, and they’d gathered at a home-grown _teppanyaki_ place for the congratulatory and farewell dinner. The coastal town they’d picked was rural and quiet, and the locals seemed to appreciate their energy as well as their patronage. 

Both teams got on well, despite technically being rivals, and it was a testament to Nagisa and Mikoshiba’s aggressive friendliness that they were keeled over in laughter together over some mishap or the other, rather than raring to go.

…or, well, with some exceptions.

It was icy between Rin and Haruka at one end of the room, but things had, fortunately, not degenerated into any real smack talk because Makoto was by Haruka’s side and Rin was busy trying to keep Mikoshiba away from his sister. In addition to having to spend time with people he didn’t want to, Rin was getting increasingly annoyed by how much Makoto was fussing over Haruka and how much the Samezukas were _talking about it_ (to be fair, it was an all-boys school but anything related to Haruka annoyed the shit out of him). Just watching Makoto pre-emptively hold out a tissue or a dish or a pitcher of water to that blank-faced idiot just as he needed it made Rin grind his teeth and stab his chopsticks into his bowl with more force than necessary. (When Mikoshiba gave him a curious look, Rin just scowled at him.)

He’d been sorely tempted to follow after Haruka when he up and left, but Mikoshiba was still on his radar and getting bolder despite Rin’s deflections. God, he hated this asshole sometimes, but he knew that Mikoshiba was incredibly stand-up and pretty freaking brilliant at the butterfly. It was still no reason whatsoever to hit on his goddamn baby sister right in front of him.

Fuck it. He was going to stick Gou with Makoto in trust that she would keep Gou’s chastity intact while he went to bitch at Haruka.

As Rin turned from Mikoshiba to call for Makoto irately, he accidentally caught the wistful look she sent after Haruka as he disappeared out the door at the end of the building.

Huh. 

No.

Wait.

Oh. _Oh_. 

Later, much later, when he was clearheaded enough to reflect on his actions, Rin would admit that he hadn’t been thinking straight; only that he’d been itching to start a fight, and that the guy he’d wanted to slug it out with had gone off, and that he couldn’t punch his swimming captain, and that he’d messed up his dives, and that he was getting bitten by mosquitoes, and that she was such an _easy target_.

“Must be tough, huh,” Rin said, “Lost causes.”

Makoto was startled out of her staring, gaze swerving around from side to side before it finally settled on Rin, a look of confusion on her face. He could hear the question before she even asked it.

“Yeah, I’m talking to you.”

“Oh,” she said, looking a bit happy, and wasn’t that a pisser? It just made Rin madder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

“Was saying that it must suck to be you.”

“Suck to be… What do you mean?”

“Having to deal with such an insensitive prick like that.”

Makoto’s smile fell slightly. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Rin rolled his eyes, “You know exactly what I mean.”

“If you’re referring to Haru, then you’re wrong.”

“My, oh my, defensive, aren’t we?” Rin murmured, “When that guy doesn’t even give a shit about you.”

Makoto’s lips thinned into a straight line, her expression crumpling.

“I mean, look at you,” Rin steamrolled on, “ _Haru, blow your nose. Haru, finish your vegetables. Haru, have some ice cream. Haru, here’s a towel._ Haru, Haru, Haru. It’s like you live and breathe for that asshole. And what does he do for you? Like I said, an insensitive prick.”

“He’s not like that at all.”

And he wasn’t. But Rin was on a roll.

“But I’m right, aren’t I? The only thing he cares about is swimming, despite the way you fawn over him—”

“Rin, please. That’s just how we are, we grew up tog—”

“Or the way you _look_ at him.”

Makoto stilled, for the longest moment, and slowly drew her gaze up until she was looking Rin squarely in the eyes.

“If a girl paid that much attention to me, I think I’d know that she liked me,” he said casually, briefly inspecting his nails, “So, either he’s a complete asshole, or he’s a lost cause. Between the two of us, and, well, knowing you, I can guess where he lies.”

Makoto said nothing. 

“You know I’m right,” he prodded her for a response, a smirk flickering across his lips.

She remained quiet for the longest time but finally – _finally_ – Makoto smiled at him. 

Rin suddenly felt kind of awful. 

It was a weak sort of smile, faint and resigned. Of all the reactions he had anticipated from her – anger, dismissal, disappointment (in _Rin_ , not… not in _herself_ ) – this hadn’t been in the cards and… yeah, he was starting to feel pretty bad about it. Makoto was obviously really down when it came to her entire situation with Haruka and now she was having it rubbed in her face and Rin wasn’t sure how to backtrack. All he’d wanted was to get back at Haruka through Makoto, and as he watched her quietly pick at her food with her chopsticks, he realised that this was just another entry in the long list of things he’d managed to royally fuck up.

Before he could even try to be less of an asshole and attempt to make it up to Makoto, Mikoshiba yelled for them to pack up and head back to their rooms.

  
  


* * *

  
  
“ _I knew it_.”

“What?” Rin asked uncomfortably. 

“You _did_ have something to do with it!”

“Something to do with _what?_ ”

“Don’t play dumb with me!” Gou jabbed a finger in the middle of his chest, “You know exactly what you did wrong! _There’s guilt in your eyes._ ”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Rin pushed her hand away in irritation. Irritation was good. He could do irritation.

“I don’t know what you said, but you had better apologise to the captain!”

Rin looked confused, “…Mikoshiba?”

“TACHIBANA,” Gou yelled in frustration, tearing at her hair, “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN IN THIS CONVERSATION?”

“What about Makoto?” Rin tried for casual, glancing to side.

“For the love of—Didn’t you hear a single word I said?! I _said_ that she’s been completely depressed! I know Nagisa’s the one who keeps everyone cheerful but when Mako’s sad, the whole team gets sad and no one feels like putting their all into practice. She says nothing’s wrong and she won’t talk to anyone. It’s gotten to the point that even Nanase-sempai’s been petitioning _us_ for help.”

Rin shifted his weight from foot to foot, “… how’s that my problem?”

“Oniichan,” Gou grabbed the front of his jacket and made him look her in the eye, “I saw you talking to her at the dinner. I know you’re the culprit. _You are going to make it up to the captain._ She is the _nicest person in the universe_ and the only person who would make her feel this way is a heartless jerk. I am not going to be the sister of a heartless jerk. She’s my friend and my upperclassman and, once, she was your friend too. You are _not_ allowed to be awful to her. You hear me?”

Rin swatted her hand away, mumbling his assent. Satisfied, Gou let out a huff and went back to preparing dinner just as their mother’s car pulled into the garage.


	2. Chapter 2

Rin had been thinking about it all week, and it had been obvious enough that _Mikoshiba_ had commented on how distracted he seemed, let alone Nitori, who hounded his every step as is (he’d had to beat the kid down with a stick). It’s not that he _wanted_ to think about it; it’s just that Gou texted him every day about it on the off-chance he’d conveniently forgotten. And, all right, maybe he did feel a bit guilty whenever he remembered the look he’d put on Makoto’s face, which was basically whenever he checked his messages. Or when someone did something remotely Makoto-like. This was beyond ridiculous. Yes, fine, she was a nice person. _So what?_ But ugh his sister was being too damned persistent and _ugh_ he’d sometimes remember how close he and Makoto had been when they were kids and _god damn it._

He threw his pencil down onto his desk in frustration. He was going around in circles. It had been a _week_ , surely she’d gotten over it. Going out of his way to apologise to her seemed completely pointless, besides which, it wasn’t like they were going to see each other outside of swim meets. Even then, they couldn’t even participate in the same categories since she had to do the women’s events. And if he were completely honest, she wasn’t that good a swimmer anyway, no one in Iwatobi was remotely worth mentioning besides Haru—

And Rin had gotten himself worked up over nothing. Again.

He wanted to bang his head against the desk. Haru aside, yeah, okay, honest was honest and Makoto wasn’t as good as he or Haru were at swimming, but that wasn’t really fair to her, all things considered and oh god did he just make himself feel guilty over his _inner-monologue?_ What kind of freakish talent did Makoto have to make him feel this way when _he hadn’t done anything wrong?_

His phone beeped. Rin groaned.

He didn’t want to look at it, but he refused not to in case of emergencies. That was too much to wish for, even so.

_» omg oniichan it’s been a week R U A MAN OR NOT_

“Fuck it,” he muttered, grabbing his jersey off his bed as Nitori entered the room.

“Going somewhere?”

“Out,” he said gruffly, zipping up and leaving before Nitori could invite himself along.

The sun was out, bright and strong, but there was a bit of a residual draft from the passing season. Probably still a bit too cold out to swim, but he supposed it didn’t really matter since Samezuka’s pool was indoors. Rin took in a slow long breath before he began his run, slightly annoyed that his muscle memory was taking over and guiding him along his normal route, giving him time to think. He was _really_ over thinking. Maybe he should have gone for a swim instead… but no. If he swam in this mental condition, then he’d end up thinking about Haru and that would just make his shitty mood even worse.

“God fucking damn it,” he muttered under his breath and put out a burst of energy, sprinting across the crosswalk and taking a right turn instead of going down his usual path. He made himself remember the directions he took so he could find his way back later, but otherwise… he felt a bit better. There was a breeze that swept him along and his environment was new, different. It was calming.

Rin needed to focus. He’d been out of it in school and at practice – he didn’t let his performance drop, he could never afford to let that happen – but this was too much. He needed to deal with it somehow.

 _Make a decision_ , he said to himself, _Do something or do nothing, but make the goddamn decision._

If he decided to do something… what? Go up to her? Apologise? What would he even say? ‘Hi, sorry for making fun of your long-term one-sided crush that time, I just wanted to get you to complain to him so that he’d be angry.’ Granted, for some reason he hadn’t ever factored in Makoto getting angry at him in the process, but she wasn’t someone he thought about often. Or. At all. Shit, he really needed to stop making himself feel guilty.

Rin shook his head. He needed to focus. If he wanted to apologise, what would be the right thing to say? ‘Sorry I was such a dick to you’? It was the only thing he could think of that wasn’t shitty or condescending or sarcastic or mocking, and it sounded _so fucking stupid_ , it would probably come off as insincere.

And if he wanted to pull her aside, how would that happen? Did he lurk outside Iwatobi High? Did he go to their swim practice? Did he ambush her after school? All of that sounded stupid as hell, particularly since she’d have that bastard by her side, and Rin _hated_ the sight of Haruka. He could picture it immediately devolving into a fight, or Haru refusing to let her on her own with Rin, or something equally bullshit that would just make things worse. Sure, he had her number, but Makoto didn’t _lie_ , and someone was bound to find out they’d meet and that would just mean more Haru on his case.

Rin’s run slowed to a jog, and he eventually came to a stop in a park. He bent over, trying to catch his breath, really thirsty by that point. 

There was always option number two.

Do nothing.

And he’d been doing that all this while, technically. He hadn’t answered Gou’s messages. It wasn’t like that he’d ever have to see Makoto again, not if he didn’t want to. It’d be easy to do nothing. As always, Gou would give up eventually.

It was cowardly and didn’t sit quite well with him, but this was for the best.

When he’d gotten his breath back, he did a scan of the area until he found a drinking fountain not too far away. He made for it, dodging a few small running children and taking long, greedy gulps of ice cold water.

Rin felt refreshed. He’d done a decent run, sorted through a mental mess and had plenty of time to head back for a shower and dinner. It was fine. It was great. It was dandy, even.

He stretched his arms high above his head, working the kinks in his back when he heard some familiar voices in the distance. Slowly he turned, following his ears until he had crossed the bicycle path into a clearing at the park. The Iwatobi Swim Club. Having a picnic. Wonderful. He hadn’t realised his detour had taken him closer to the school. He frowned as he did a mental headcount, tallying up Haru, Nagisa, Gou and Glasses, with Makoto no where to be—

Wait, there she was, on the phone. Rin could see her waving apologetically to the others as she half-jogged past the treeline and to the entrance of the park, where a car was waiting for her. She was talking to the people inside it, and he briefly saw a kid poke his (her?) head out.

It was a good time as any to lose her. He’d come in from the opposite entrance and he’d planned on heading back to the dorm anyway. Looks like it was time to go. He’d just…

…

God _damn_ it.

  
  


* * *

  
  
Makoto was so deep in thought that she barely realised it when she turned a corner and walked straight into someone else.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” She automatically reached out to steady the guy. When she saw it was Rin, she straightened up so quickly, she may as well have jumped three feet in the air. Her face reddened.

“R-Rin,” she said, a nervous smile on her face, “Um, I’ll… I’ll just get Haru for you then, shall I?”

“Ex _cuse_ me?” Rin looked thoroughly irritated, crossing his arms, “You see me and _that’s_ the first thing to you say?”

“Uh, I,” Makoto couldn’t stop stammering, “Were… Were you not looking for him?”

“No.”

“Oh. I, um, I’m sorry for being so presumptuous.”

“Yeah, well, you should be.”

“Sorry,” she winced slightly.

An awkward silence fell over them as she fidgeted in place.

“If you,” she finally said, capturing his attention again, “If you don’t need me, that is to say, is there something…”

“What I don’t get,” he spoke loudly over her, “Is why you’d mention his name the moment you see my face.”

Makoto look puzzled momentarily, then it dawned on her.

“Of course! Kou! I can’t believe – I’m sorry, I forget she’s your sister sometimes—”

“That’s not what I mean!”

“Then,” Makoto blinked, “What do you mean? I don’t understand.”

“What makes you think the only person I want to talk to is Haru? Gou besides.”

“But,” she looked confused again, “It’s just… Isn’t it like that?”

“Isn’t it like what?”

“You don’t really…”

“ _What?_ ”

“…nothing.”

“It’s not nothing,” Rin said hotly, “Not if you have that look on your face. Spit it out.”

“It’s _nothing_.”

“You’re shit at lying, Makoto,” he growled, “You’ve got something to say about me, say it to my face.”

“I don’t—” She looked at him desperately, “I’m sorry I got you mad, but…”

“You’re always like this!” He shouted in frustration, “You’re _always like this_. You let people walk all over you, you lie to them to take care of their feelings, and when they actually want to know what you think? Cover everything up and hey! Nothing to see here. If you have something to say to me, _say it_.”

“Rin—”

“Is this how you take care of Haru, too? You get by, not telling him anything important?”

And _oh_ , he’d just stepped over a line, swan dived over it, and dear god, did he just make Makoto cry?

For what it was worth, she wasn’t crying, but her eyes were watery and her nose was red and her hands were balled up into fists at her side. Rin got the distinct feeling that he’d just stepped on a puppy. 

“I’m sorry,” she said with a wavering voice, “I-I have to go.”

“Wait, I—”

“I… I’ll be off then,” she said, ever polite, and walked away quickly back into the park. He stood there, watching her disappear past the trees, and heaved a deep sigh, collapsing into a squat as he threaded his fingers behind his neck and hung his head low.

“Congratulations, Rin,” he muttered, “You just did the opposite of apologise.”

With another sigh and a final glance up towards the park, Rin stood up and began to jog half-heartedly towards his dorm, already aware of the earful Gou was going to him. And he was going to deserve every word.

God _damn_ it.


	3. Chapter 3

“Aren’t you gonna get that?”

Rin glared at Nitori, willing the runt to mind his own business, but that had been the twelfth beep in a row now. He scowled at it, hating the fact that, on top of everything he’d already done, not answering – as in, not doing anything at all – would also make him the bad guy. He reached for his phone hesitantly, slowly flipping it open when it suddenly rang in his hands. It was Gou. He considered rejecting the call. He reminded himself that it was his sister. Rin sighed and steeled himself, taking a long and slow breath before he pressed ‘receive’ and put it to his ear.

“ _YOU JERK!_ HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MAKO?! WHY WON’T YOU REPLY ANY OF MY MESSAGES?”

“Good evening, Gou,” Rin said through gritted teeth, scowling at a surprised Nitori and daring him to say anything, “I have an exam in the morning.”

“I thought I told you to make it up to her,” she hissed, lowering her volume somewhat now she knew he was studying, “What you did was the exact opposite of making it up to her!”

Rin felt a headache coming along and rubbed his temples, “Yeah, I kind of figured.”

“What were you even thinking?!”

“I _wasn’t_ , okay? That’s kind of the point. By the time I realised, she’d run off.”

“You’re so,” she made an aggravated sound in the background and he could picture her making some vague gesture with her hand, “I don’t understand you!”

Rin sighed. “Anything else?”

“I DON’T KNOW HOW WE’RE RELATED,” she yelled. Rin grimaced, feeling his ears ring. “How could you behave like that with her? What did she ever do to you to make treat her like this? Do you _hate_ her, is that it?”

“Look, I don’t know what to tell you, okay?” 

“You don’t know?” Gou sounded both incredulous and unconvinced, “You don’t know why you’ve been such a jerk to her? You’ve just spontaneously decided to be mean to someone without a reason?”

Well, when she put it like that, “…no.”

“Then _what?_ I refuse to believe that there isn’t something wrong!”

“For the love of– If I knew, don’t you think I’d say it?”

“You barely tell me anything anymore, so I wouldn’t know.”

Rin sat upright at that, surprised at the bitterness in her voice. Yes, he was a shitty person, but he never wanted to be a shitty _brother_. He chewed on his bottom lip, wanting to mollify her. She’d known him for long enough to give him the time to think about what he wanted to say, which he was grateful for; for all his quick mouthing off, he _did_ put thought into the things he really meant.

“Okay, look,” he said with a sigh, lowering his voice, “I honestly don’t mean to.”

“Then _why_ oniichan?”

“When I start out, everything is fine. But then things inevitably lead back to Haru.”

“… Really?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Wow.”

“What?”

“That’s the saddest excuse I’ve ever heard.”

“…excuse me?”

“Are you jealous of Nanase-sempai or something then?”

Rin spluttered for a good minute before he regained his bearings.

“Ex _cuse_ me? Why in the hell would I be?”

“From what you’ve just told me, you basically lash out at her when, and only when, Nanase-sempai comes up. Basically, this means that either you’re jealous of him, or you’re jealous of her,” Gou paused, and then her voice sounded awfully grave, “Oh my god, oniichan, are you jealous of her? Do you, maybe, y’know, swing that w—”

“Good night, Gou,” Rin’s tone was steely. She giggled at the other end and he felt his insides unclench.

“You know,” she began softly, and he strained to hear her speak, “In that case, do you really hate Nanase-sempai?”

Rin was quiet for a moment, “It’s… complicated.”

“Okay,” she said agreeably, and then briefly hesitated, “Although I can sort of understand how you feel… Don’t you think it’s unfair to carry over whatever feelings you have for him to Mako and hurt her with it?”

He squirmed in his seat slightly, wishing he didn’t have to answer but… it was Gou, “…yeah.”

“Has she said or done anything, really?”

“…no.”

Gou sighed, “Obviously, leaving you to your own devices was a huge mistake. So we’re going to do things _my_ way this time around. You are going to _make it up to her_ , which means an apology isn’t going to cut it. If you have to buy her mackerel every day for a month, then that’s what you’re going to do. Well, she’s not Nanase-sempai so I don’t think you need to buy her mackerel. You know what I mean. Oh, and no matter how many times Mako talks about Nanase-sempai, you’re not allowed to bitch at her, got it?”

Rin fought back a sigh, staying on the line.

  
  


* * *

  
  
It was a really stupid plan.

He didn’t know why he even bothered agreeing to it. The only saving grace he could think of was that he was allowed to pick his own clothing (he vaguely recalled the last time he let Gou dress him up and violently shuddered). But he felt stupid. This was like something out of a dumb shoujo manga, or a cheesy rom-com. He considered slinking off but that was a huge dick move and all he wanted to do was apologise to Makoto and get on with his life so he would never have to think about this embarrassing episode ever again.

He heard the chattering voice of two girls in the distance and looked up from where he’d been leaning against a wall. They were in their school uniforms and… he’d never realised before, but he suddenly understood why Gou was so hung up on him making up with Makoto. Her entire face was lit up and she was hanging on Makoto’s every word. He… didn’t think he’d ever seen Gou like that before. Well, no, that wasn’t quite right; he _had_ seen that look before, only… it used to be directed at him. 

Rin didn’t have long to dwell on the thought when they finally reached him. Makoto’s smile took an uncertain quality when she recognised who he was. That may have made him maybe feel a teeny bit awful. Gou stepped in between them, a sheepish look on her face.

“So! I know that things have been kind of rocky for you but that’s because my brother is really bad at expressing himself properly. He’s the kind of guy who needs a personal organiser and can’t do anything spontaneous unless someone else suggests it. I’m really sorry I tricked you into coming out with me today, but my brother _really_ does want to make it up to you; it’s just that he’s got the social skills of a gnat and keeps saying exactly the opposite of what he wants to,” Gou looked up imploringly at Makoto, pressing her palms together, “Give him another chance? Pretty please?”

Makoto looked at Gou helplessly, briefly attempting to meet Rin’s eyes but he was deliberately looking at the ground. Finally she sighed and gave Gou her title smile.

“Okay.”

Gou pumped her fist in the air and let out a whoop, which made Makoto chuckle. Rin discreetly alternated his gaze between the two of them, realising that this was for Gou’s sake as much as it was for Makoto’s. Gou must really like her, and when he remembered just how much of a let down he’d been as a brother, he decided that he wasn’t going to spoil their friendship over his pettiness. He jammed his hands in his pockets and cleared his throat.

“You guys hungry?”

“Oh! Don’t worry about me, oniichan. You two should take your time talking!”

“Don’t be stupid,” Rin scowled, “There’s nothing wrong with you eating with us.”

For some reason, that made the girls smile. Makoto touched Gou’s shoulder gently. “You really should come with. The more, the merrier, right?”

Gou wrinkled her nose at Makoto, “Isn’t it gonna be awkward to talk with me there?”

“We can always talk afterwards.”

“Fine,” Gou made an exasperated noise, “I’ll leave right after I eat. But you _definitely_ have to talk today, got it, oniichan? If you postpone it, it’ll be on hold forever. So you _definitely_ have to do it.”

“I heard you the first time, you brat,” Rin said sullenly, turning to walk down the road to the closest Mos Burger, “Get a move on already.”

He heard her giggle and quickly run to his side. Makoto lingered momentarily before she trailed just behind them.

  
  


* * *

  
  
Rin and Makoto were walking side by side, the silence between them so awkward that Rin felt like he was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

He didn’t know what to _say_. Earlier, Gou and Makoto had been chatting away discussing administrative club stuff, with his sister making intermittent comments about Rin to Makoto in an attempt to sell his good points to her. All that had gotten was an understanding nod and smile from Makoto, and a deep scowl from Rin, who’d more or less remained stone faced as he finished off his fries in silence. The moment she had finished her meal, Gou bolted, giving him a warning look, a firm reminder to have a proper talk with Makoto, and to play nice. Ironically, immediately after Makoto had rustled up some money to cover her share and half of Gou’s but Rin had gruffly rejected it. It was fortunate that Makoto had thick skin when it came to assholish behaviour because Rin was mentally kicking his own ass for being rude to her, incredibly glad that Gou wasn’t there to chew him out for it. Hahahaha play nice wow.

“Ah, do you mind if we stop by over there for a bit?”

Rin looked up at Makoto and at the shop she had been pointing at.

“A pet store?”

“Yeah, I want to get some cat food,” she said easily, already pushing the doors open. Rin shuffled in after her.

“I thought your family didn’t let you have anything other than fish.”

“Oh, you remembered,” Makoto smiled at him, retrieving a small bag from a low shelf, “It’s for this kitten that lives outside Haru’s house.”

Gou’s words echoed in his head: _Don’t bitch at Mako no matter how many times she talks about Nanase-sempai._

Instead, he said, “…didn’t know you liked cats.”

“This one’s really sweet. I think she’s only a few months old, and she loves to play. Surprisingly, her coat is really clean for a stray, so I’ve started calling her Bubbles.”

Rin’s lips twitched, “Bubbles.”

“Mm, like soap bubbles,” Makoto glanced up at Rin, “Not a cat person?”

“They’re okay,” he said, following her to a little playpen area in the back where some kittens were playing with each other. In another pen were some bunnies, and in the glass room behind the pen was a puppy being groomed. Makoto fixed her skirt and squatted down, reaching into the playpen and letting one of the fur balls sniff her hand before she started to stroke it.

Rin squatted by her, scratching the chin of the closest kitten, watching it arch its body and tips its head back. It was kind of cute. A passing shopkeeper greeted Makoto cheerily – go figure that she was a regular there – and told them to use the string hanging by the pen walls to play with the kittens if they wanted. Makoto took it and passed it over to Rin, who started making the kittens fight each other for the right to pounce on the knot at the end of it.

“Cats are okay, huh?” Makoto said eventually, chuckling.

“Baby cats are a different category, all right,” Rin grumbled without really meaning it, and it was difficult to act like a tough guy when there was a kitten rubbing itself all over him. As he allowed the kitten to chew on his fingers, he let out a breath and glanced up at Makoto.

“So… I’ve been saying lots of really uncalled for stuff.”

She met his eyes evenly, “You have.”

“…really sorry about that.”

“Okay,” she nodded, “Care to tell me why?”

“Yeah, Gou asked me the same question,” he grimaced lightly, “I got nothing.”

Makoto blew her hair out of her eyes and leaned her cheek against one hand, elbow on her knee, “Informative.”

“It’s not like being an asshole is my hobby.”

“I never said that,” she replied gently, “But I would like to know how I can avoid offending you in the future.”

“You didn’t…” _Aaaaaagghhhhh_ he was going into guilt-mode again, “You’re not offensive. At all. You’re kind of not offensive by nature. I mean, look at you: Kittens and pet stores and rainbows and sunshine.”

“But I set you off anyway,” she pointed out logically, “So something must have happened. Anything I did, or said…”

“Geez,” Rin sighed, hanging his head as he scratched the back of his neck, “I don’t get why you bother with a guy like me.”

She tilted her head to the side, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you don’t have to go out of your way to keep my feelings. I’ve been the one at fault, not you. If anything, I’m the one who should be…”

“Who should be…?”

“… god, don’t make me say it.”

“You do sort of owe me; no one’s ever spoken to me like that before, not even Haru.” Rin’s eyes shot up at that, catching the amused look on her face. “But I’ll give you a pass this one time, since you’re making an effort.” 

“I’m sorry I was such a dick, all right,” he bit, tone hard and expression shuttered, feeling vaguely upset. Without another word, he put the kitten back in the pen and strode out the pet store. A few minutes later, Makoto emerged, a small plastic bag in hand.

“So,” she said, falling into step beside him.

“What.”

“How hard was it to say all that?”

“Considering I failed the last time I tried, I’d wager a Medium-High difficulty. You’re like a second tier boss fight.”

Makoto laughed, and Rin looked at her, feeling something inside him loosen up slightly.

“Was that what the park was supposed to be?”

“I wasn’t going out of my way to look for you or anything,” Rin said defensively, “I happened to be there when I saw you and thought I’d try to clear the air a bit, is all.”

“Hmm,” she said noncommittally, “And you got angry with me for saying Haru’s name.”

Rin rolled his eyes, “Considering it’s the only name you ever say.”

“Is something wrong with that?” Makoto’s smile slipped, “Can’t I like him?”

“It bugs me that you do,” Rin countered, “I don’t get what’s so special about him that you’re basically attached at the hip. No, look at me; you do _everything_ for him. You formed a club for him, you look out for him, you swim for him. If anything, he should be the one chasing after _you_.”

Makoto let out a slow breath, “Is that what this is about?”

“It’s just a series of annoyances on top of the main annoyance.”

“I don’t know what you think we’re like but… Despite my feelings, we don’t really have a one-sided relationship, you know? We formed that club together, and he worked just as hard to recruit members.”

“I changed my mind,” Rin said sourly, “I don’t actually want to hear about it.”

“He doesn’t walk all over me,” Makoto insisted anyway, “If anything, I want him to rely on me more.”

“Sure,” Rin responded, “Great. Good for you.”

“Is that it, then?” Makoto asked, “The only way we can have a decent conversation is if Haru’s not in it?”

“Bingo,” Rin was sure his voice didn’t shake, “You got it in one.”

As they spoke, he'd walked them all the way to the beach, the ocean swelling and receding in the background. The idea had been to come and enjoy the sights together since they were both swimmers, but now they were here, he remembered how stupid the idea was, considering the people involved. Gou hadn't known better, either. Wow, the day was improving by leaps and bounds. Rin was obviously a class act.

Makoto broke the silence. “…do you hate him?”

“God’s sake, it’s _complicated_.”

“The bottom line is that you want to beat him, right? So beat him if you can.” Rin looked at her in surprise. “You want to swim against him, so do it. No one made it a rule that you couldn’t ever speak to any of us again.”

“Makoto, _you don’t get it_.”

“Of course, I don’t get it,” Makoto had that awful resigned look on her face again, “Maybe you don’t think we’re friends, or even on the same level, and maybe that’s why you’re so reluctant to be with us again. But… you know, if you want to go far, I don’t mind being a stepping-stone. I’m sure Haru or Nagisa wouldn’t mind either. We don’t all want the same things, after all. We just want to be happy. I know Haru wants you to be happy. I know that’s why he’s working so hard right now. And I want to support him in that.”

“Excuse me?” Rin felt anger simmering under his skin, “Haru’s doing _what?_ ”

Makoto looked slightly confused, “He’s serious about you. He wants to…”

“He wants to ‘help’ me, isn’t that right?”

“What? I… I never said that, Rin.”

Rin glared at her, fists clenching at his sides. “I never asked him to do anything like that. Or any of you.”

“I know that – we know that – but we want to be there for you. There are some things you need to face together with the people who care about you.”

“So, what are you saying? That I can’t sort out my life on my own? That I can’t move forward unless I’m relying on other people? That I can’t do anything for myself?”

Realisation dawned in her eyes, “Oh. Oh, Rin, I didn’t mean to imply—”

“Stop it. Don’t say anything.”

“I’m sorry, I—”

“Forget it. Doesn’t matter. Just drop it.”

“Rin, please, what I meant was—”

“Drop it.”

“Rin—”

“I said drop it.”

“Okay,” she said quietly, “Sorry.”

“Stop apologising.”

“Sorr—Oh, I’m sorry I—Oh.”

It fell silent again, Rin sullen and Makoto morose. Even if there hadn’t been any shouting or backbiting, he felt like the situation was just getting worse and worse. This was never going to resolve itself. He should never have said anything in the first place. He should never have listened to Gou. What was he doing, thinking he could clean up his act for one decent conversation? Now he felt like shit and Makoto felt like shit and he was starting to sense a recurring theme in the people who orbited his life.

“I’m heading off here,” Makoto said when they reached the end of the shopping district. Rin just nodded once, turning to go, but she gently caught him by the arm.

“Despite how the day ended,” she said, “I… I had fun with you. And I’m glad you came to see me. It would be nice if we could do this again. I mean, if you want.”

Rin wanted to ask her what was wrong with her, but then she smiled at him and the words stuck in his throat.

“Thank you for today. And… good luck at the next swim meet.”

“Don’t need it,” Rin’s voice was rough.

“Even so,” her smile softened, and Makoto waved goodbye. Rin’s hands remained jammed in his pockets, eyes on the ground. Once she disappeared down the street, he finally let out the breath he had been holding.

That could have gone infinitely better. But. It wasn’t bad.

That was the end of it. Life could go on. That was good. That was great, even.

Great.

Rin felt like shit anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter didn't reaaaally turn out the way I had originally envisioned, but comments are always appreciated.


	4. Chapter 4

One good thing did come out of that ridiculous fracas: Rin wasn’t eaten up by the situation with Makoto anymore. 

He did think a lot about what she said. Sometimes, whenever he zoned out, he’d go over their conversation again, thinking about the things that were said and unsaid and implied. It had… helped. Granted, there really was a lot more to talk about, with the added need for him to keep a lid on his temper, and although he had been reluctant to _share his feelings_ as Gou so helpfully described it… it had helped. And it embarrassed him that things really did fall apart when they started discussing Haru in earnest. He knew he had pent up resentment but things just came to a head when Makoto was involved. Maybe it was because it was impossible to think of her as anything but an extension of Haruka. Maybe he was just a dick.

(Considering the fact that he was actually entertaining the idea of his dickish behaviour being Makoto’s fault… yeah, he was most definitely a dick.)

In any case, the last message he’d gotten from Gou indicated that things were improving over on her end, though she _had_ yelled at him when she’d heard both sides of their little outing, ranting about wasted opportunities and unfinished business and, okay, despite the fact that he was _really good_ with not spending any more time accidentally upsetting Makoto again… he didn’t… mind?

He promised Gou he’d make it up to her, after all. The equivalent of a month’s worth of mackerel, or something like that. That was the excuse he was sticking to, anyway.

Yeah. He could do one more outing. It was no big deal. Definitely. Why not, right? 

One more outing.

  
  


* * *

  
  
The phone rang not two minute after he’d typed out a message and sent it. A bit wary, Rin was glad he was alone in his dorm room when he finally decided to answer it.

“Matsuoka.”

“Hi, it’s Makoto. I saw your message.”

“You could have just… replied it.”

“I could have,” she chirped, “But this is faster for hashing the details out.” 

“…yeah okay.”

“I’m assuming Kou’s the driving force behind this?” Makoto sounded amused.

“She spilled, huh?”

“Ah, she was feeling bad about the less-than-perfect outcome from last time.”

Rin sighed, shifting in his seat, “So them’s the breaks. You can say no if you want. I won’t feel offended or anything. It’ll be on my head, not yours.”

“I don’t really have a reason to decline, do I?”

“Excuse me?” Rin’s tone was irate, “There’s got to be a limit to the crap you can take.”

“I admit, my tolerance for crap is pretty high.”

“You really don’t mind spending another day with me?” Rin sounded dubious, “Despite how I’ve behaved?”

“Ah, so you have self-awareness!” Makoto laughed in the background and Rin was sure he should have been feeling annoyed.

“Seriously though.”

“If I can be honest, you have been kind of awful,” Makoto said, and that made Rin still, “And I really don’t like spending time with people who don’t care about me, because the only person who gets hurt in the end is me. But I’ll grant that I remember and appreciate enough of our friendship to want to make things better, because I miss you.”

Rin’s throat went dry. Makoto went on, without indicating that she noticed.

“I also get the feeling that you haven’t been yourself. And while that’s really no excuse for your behaviour, I’m giving you leeway because you’re trying to make up for it.”

“I am sorry,” Rin blurted out, “I really am.”

He could _hear_ her smile in that pause, “I’m glad to know that.”

“I…” Rin swallowed, the words sticking and refusing to come out, “Just… keep talking.”

Makoto laughed again, “I don’t think you’re the sort of guy who’d do something he really didn’t want to, despite Kou’s role in this. So I’m going to conveniently interpret this entire set-up as you being unsure how to handle making a simple apology. Really, I don’t understand boys at all.”

“It’s been five years,” Rin drummed his fingers against his desk, feeling antsy, “Things change.”

“I’d like to think I’m not so different.”

“Have you _seen_ yourself in the mirror?”

“I meant on the inside, you dweeb,” Makoto let out a giggle, and Rin smiled slightly, “We were close as kids so I’d have thought you’d know enough of how I’m like.”

“I meant that- That’s not,” Rin inhaled slowly, “I meant that _I’ve_ changed.”

“You’ve changed, huh?”

“I mean… Well, obviously.”

“Changed too much for the likes of me?”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” Rin snapped without meaning to.

“But isn’t that how you’ve been acting?”

“… What?”

“I don’t know if it’s because we only ever meet when Haru’s around but… You have tunnel vision when it comes to him. Which I can sort of understand. But you know, I do exist apart from him, despite what you may think. I mean, we’re talking now, aren’t we? Independent of him?”

 _He’s the reason we’re even talking like this in the first place_ , Rin refused to say.

“It can be normal,” Makoto insisted, “All you had to do was try. And here I am, aren’t I?”

“But that’s ‘cause you’re you,” Rin said stupidly, “You’re Buddha.”

“Oh, Rin, is that how you think of me? I’m flattered that you consider me benevolent, but I’m still just a normal person, deep inside. No nirvana within earshot.”

“But I’m right,” Rin replied, “You just… You _care_ too much.”

“And is there something wrong with that?”

“Yes.” _I don’t like it_.

There was a poignant pause on the other end of the line, “I think that I care just the right amount, Rin. Maybe you’ve forgotten. It’s been five years, after all.”

“Maybe.”

Makoto sighed lightly, “This is who I am, Rin. I’m okay with it, and I’m okay with who you are too, for the most part. But if there’s something about me that you don’t like, something fundamental about me that I don’t want to change, maybe we shouldn’t do this.”

“That’s not,” Rin swallowed, “It’s not like that.”

“What is it like?”

“I don’t know. I don’t actually dislike that you care too much, I just…” Rin pinched the bridge of his nose, “I don’t know.”

“Okay,” Makoto said, understanding as ever, “You can take your time.”

“I don’t dislike you,” he insisted, “I _am_ sorry.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

It fell silent for a moment.

“So… you were saying about this weekend?”

“Right,” Rin had completely forgotten, “There’s a swimming exhibition being held by the Japanese national team. Did you want to check it out on Sunday?”

“Oh, I’m sorry; I’ve got plans with Haru on Sunday.”

“…to see this thing?”

“I wish,” Makoto huffed on the other end, and that made Rin smile, “He’s not interested in other people swimming. Besides, if we went, we’d probably get thrown out.”

“We can meet before your thing. Or after.”

“What time is it supposed to be?”

“11 am.”

“Really sorry, but no can do. And Haru and I will probably take a really long time, knowing him, so it wouldn’t be fair to make you wait.”

“…what’s he even doing.”

She heaved a huge sigh, “Supposedly swimsuit shopping.”

“Supposedly.”

“It’s meant to be his reward. For, um, accompanying me somewhere.”

“Let me guess: The dentist?”

“…maybe.”

“Yeah, I guess you wouldn’t be able to reschedule an appointment,” Rin sighed. He’d meant to train, but… “What about Saturday?”

“I am free, but won’t we miss the exhibition?”

“Nah, it’s a weekend thing. Same time and everything.”

“Okay. Sounds good. I’ll just meet you at your place?”

“My place?”

“I’m sleeping over Friday night. I promised Kou I’d help tutor her and we’re going to make it an overnight thing.”

“…right.”

“Oh, but you stay in the dorms, don’t you? Shall I just meet you at the train station, then? Say, 10.30?”

“…fine.”

“Okay, I’ll see you then.”

  
  


* * *

  
  
That went well.  
  


* * *

  
  
… What the _hell_ was he doing?  
  


* * *

  
  
“Oniichan,” Gou looked surprised as she stepped aside to let him into the house, “I didn’t think you’d be back until tomorrow.”

“My roommate needed the room,” Rin had practiced the lie all the way home, “I was going to be back for the weekend anyway, so I figured I’d come home earlier.”

“Okay then,” Gou smiled, “Mako’s staying over.”

“…what for?”

“Girl stuff,” she giggled, following after him into the kitchen, “Mostly my history homework.”

“I see,” he eyed the leftovers on the counter as he grabbed a sports drink from the fridge, “Where is she?”

“Taking a shower. So you’re going on another date tomorrow?” Gou asked excitedly. 

Rin rolled his eyes, hand on her forehead and pushing gently. “Down, Fido.” She smacked it away.

“You are though, right?”

“It’s not a date,” he scowled at her, “You’re the one who wanted me to make it up to her.”

“By taking her on a date.”

“Lord, give me strength,” he implored, glancing at the ceiling.

“Don’t be mean to her this time around,” Gou kept at it, trailing him all the way to his bedroom, “Be a perfect gentleman.”

“Do your damned homework,” he bit before closing the door firmly between them.

“Compliment her hair!” Gou called out. Rin ignored her.

Once he’d dumped his bag on his chair and settled in, Rin flopped on the bed, keeping an ear out for the shower and waiting a solid ten minutes after he heard footsteps leaving the bathroom. He made a beeline for it, glad that Gou had drawn a bath, because he was going to have a good, long soak until he was all gross and pruny. And the water felt good, nice and really hot, loosening up his tense and sore muscles from the training he’d done all week. He let out a sigh, sinking lower in the tub, blowing bubbles and submerging himself completely.

…what the hell was he doing.

There was absolutely no reason for him to be back early. At all. It was faster to meet at the train station. He didn’t have anything he particularly wanted to _say_ to Makoto, either. Besides which, she was Gou’s for the night, and he didn’t really want to cut in on… ‘girl stuff’, which sounded equal parts horrific and puke-worthy.

Right. He was just going to hole up in his room. Do his homework. Sleep early. Wake up late. Right.

Rin sighed, emerging from the water and thunking the back of his head against the edge of the tub.

  
  


* * *

  
  
The girls had taken up in the living room, and that was fine with him. All Rin needed was something to drink, and the kitchen was mercifully empty. His mum had come home, made her rounds, and gone to sleep early, bless her, and that had signalled a good moment for a study break. He tried to keep his footsteps light as he grabbed a water bottle, wincing slightly when a floorboard creaked underfoot. Fortunately, the girls didn’t seem to notice, the flow of their chatter completely unbroken.

Rin felt a bit annoyed at that, for some reason. What the hell could they even be talking about, anyway?

“…So then Rei said he’d date himself, because he was ‘perfect boyfriend material’!”

“No way, he actually said that?!” Gou let out a guffaw, “Get out!”

“Mm-hmm, and Nagisa seemed pretty hell-bent on getting Haru to date him.”

Rin rolled his eyes. Of course, girls would be talking about crap like this.

“… Me? I told them they each had their pros and cons.”

“That’s so wishy-washy!”

Makoto laughed, “So I was told. What else was I supposed to say?”

“Who you’d really date! I mean, Nanase-sempai immediately said your name, right?”

Rin paused, mid-gulp, straining to hear more of the conversation.

“Lest you forget, that’s because he was too lazy to make a real decision. And then Nagisa won him over with mackerel.”

“Oh man, Nanase-sempai is such a weirdo! You’re a catch, Mako!”

“Aw, that’s so sweet of you, Kou,” Makoto chuckled, “Personally, I think you’re really cute. Even though you weren’t in the options they gave me, I honestly couldn’t decide whether I want to be you or date you.”

“Mako,”Gou whined, “You’re embarrassing me.”

“No, really! People keep telling me how gangly and beefy I am. Not to mention my hair is absolutely dreadful to deal with.”

“Don’t listen to those jerks, Mako. They’re missing out.”

“Well, I don’t really mind,” Makoto said amiably, “I don’t like being put on a pedestal, and everyone’s entitled to their opinions. Besides which, I _am_ gangly and beefy. I didn’t realise how easy it was for me to put on muscle until we started doing endurance training.”

“All the better to punch morons with.”

“Oh, I suppose. But more importantly! Who would _you_ date?”

“Aggghhh, I can’t decide between all those muscles!”

“No?” Makoto said with amusement, “I think Mikoshiba’s pretty cute. If I were you, I’d date him.”

Rin’s grip on his bottle tightened slightly. He refused to be invested in the conversation. He took a long swig of water.

“Mikoshiba? _Really?_ That’s your type, Mako? Wow, it’s kind of like a manga – the rival captains secretly pursuing a romance!”

Makoto laughed, “Mikoshiba seems like a very dependable guy. He’s really nice, too, and well-organised. I really appreciate that in a man.”

“… Huh.”

“What’s that noise for?”

“You’ve just basically described everything Nanase-sempai isn’t.”

Makoto laughed even harder, “Well, I said that I _appreciate_ that in a guy. It doesn’t really matter, though, since the one he likes is you and not me. So I’ll just appreciate him from afar.”

“Hmm, I dunno… I mean, he does have a nice body…”

“Mm. He’s got a really nice broad chest. You kind of want to run your fingers over his pecs.”

Gou giggled, “He _does_ have the broadest chest I’ve seen.”

“And have you seen his serratus?”

“His deltoids and biceps are really well developed too.”

“Well, if we’re talking about deltoids, don’t you think your brother has the best by far?”

Gou made an impatient noise, “That may be true but I think you’d understand if I don’t enjoy admiring my brother’s body.”

“Just because you don’t like looking at his body,” Makoto said slyly, “Doesn’t mean that I don’t.”

Rin choked on the water he was drinking, thumping his chest powerfully to unclog his pipes. Part of him wanted to escape before he was discovered but part of him _really_ wanted to follow that line of conversation to the very end. By the time he’d stopped himself from asphyxiating, the girls had laughed it off and moved on to the lines of Haruka’s hips.

  
  


* * *

  
  
“Oh, good morning,” Makoto said cheerily, “Out running?”

Rin nodded, grabbing a glass and filling it with water from the dispenser. He’d woken up much earlier than he had anticipated and couldn’t go back to sleep. Plus, he’d originally wanted to work out a little on Saturday, so everything worked out. From the looks of it, breakfast had been prepared and at the moment Makoto was busy making sure the fish wouldn’t burn on the stove.

“You’re a guest,” he said, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, “Gou should be doing this.”

“We were doing it together. This is all that’s left, so I told her to take a shower first.”

“She really likes you, huh.”

“You think so?” Makoto flashed a smile up at him.

“She’s a stickler for propriety, and here she is, calling you Mako and Mako-chan.”

“She’s really cute,” Makoto was beaming, “I really hope my own little sister grows up to be like Kou.”

Rin snorted, “Be careful what you wish for.”

“Mm-hmm, so you say, Mister Over-Protective.”

Rin wanted to argue that point but heard footsteps clomping down the stairs. Gou emerged in the kitchen, bright eyed and bushy tailed.

“Morning, oniichan!” She chirped, taking a seat.

“Where’s mum?”

“Still asleep. She said to let her have a lie-in.”

Rin grunted in reply, refilling his glass. Makoto turned the stove off.

“Kou, should I do your hair after breakfast?”

“No, do it now,” Gou positively vibrated with excitement, “Oniichan can serve breakfast. Right, oniichan?”

Rin rolled his eyes but started grabbing the plates. Makoto conceded with a nod and walked to the dining table. She positioned herself behind Gou, combing through her hair with her fingers and starting to divide up the strands to do some fancy braid, politely answering whatever inane questions his sister began firing off at her. 

By the time Rin had taken his seat, Makoto was tying off the ends of Gou’s hair. He looked up as Gou ran her hands over the back of her head, marvelling at the texture. Makoto snapped a photo of it with her cell phone and gave it to Gou to see.

“Wow, you’re really good at this, Mako! I couldn’t ever do a French braid on my own.”

“To be fair, I have a lot of practice,” Makoto stroked Gou’s head once to smoothen the loose hairs before sitting beside her, “And your hair is just soft enough, so it’s really easy to style.”

“Do you think you could teach oniichan to do it for me?”

“Eat your breakfast,” Rin interjected with a scowl. Gou grinned at him and scooted closer to dig in.

When they were done, Makoto had insisted on clearing the table, but Rin stood with another grunt and took the plates from her hands. Despite his habit of stacking everything as high as he could to minimise trips to the sink, Rin went back and forth a few times, lingering a little in their peripheral vision, stretching his arms to grab at the crockery across the table instead of just walking to it. Even then, Makoto and Gou joined him in washing and drying the dishes. He reached past Makoto for the dishwashing liquid, leaning a bit further than necessary.

He felt eyes on him. When he looked up, he realised Gou was staring at him.

Knowingly.

Just as Makoto glanced away, Gou flashed him the biggest shit-eating grin she could manage.

Rin felt his face go red, hissing at her to _shut up_ , which caught Makoto’s attention.

“Sorry, did someone say something?”

“Yeah,” Gou bit the inside of her cheek, “Why don’t you go get ready, Mako?”

“Wouldn’t your brother want to shower first?”

“No, no, you go ahead.”

“If you’re sure…”

“Go on, go on, I’ll take over.”

Makoto smiled at them and left the kitchen. When the door upstairs shut behind her, Gou’s megawatt grin made a reappearance.

“Showing off, oniichan?”

“I will _end you_.”

“ _Flexing_ those nice arm muscles, hmm?”

“I hate you,” Rin fumed, soaping the bowls viciously, “I’m going to get _revenge_.”

Gou was so damned _cheerful_ the rest of the morning, puttering around like it was her birthday. When he himself was freshly showered and ready to head out with Makoto, she stood at the front door, arms crossed, gesturing discreetly towards Makoto with her head as her eyes alternated between them. Rin coughed awkwardly and said, “Nice hair”. Behind a smiling Makoto, Gou flashed him a thumb’s up.

Rin felt no remorse at flipping the bird at Gou on his way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. MUCH. TALKING.


	5. Chapter 5

Makoto let out a little frustrated puff of air as she fired off a quick reply on her mobile phone and repocketed it.

“Something wrong?”

“Hm? Oh, no. That was Kou.”

Rin rolled his eyes, “She’s my sister, not yours.”

Makoto smiled at him, “There’s a competition she’s wanted to sign us up for for a while now. I’m the captain, so I… need to make the final decision.”

“Putting it off to the last minute? What, your boys not up to snuff or something?”

“That’s not it; it’s the fact that we’re one male member short of a full relay team,” she sighed, “Our club’s new, so we need all the funding we can get, and it seems like the big prize for the relay is sponsorship. I’m wondering if it’s worth recruiting another member this late in the school year…”

Rin smirked at her, “Gonna parade around in a swimsuit again?”

Makoto’s blush turned full-body at that, eyes wide as she gaped at him.

“Did- What- I- How- Did _Kou _tell you that?!”__

“Everyone in Samezuka knows about it.”

“ _Oh my god_ ,” Makoto whispered, hands on her cheeks. 

__“Why do you think you draw a crowd whenever you visit our facility?”_ _

__Makoto blanched. Rin laughed at her._ _

__“So it’s actually true, huh?” He said after a while, kicking at a pebble, “That’s a pretty pathetic recruitment strategy.”_ _

__“Trust me, I didn’t want any part of it,” she muttered._ _

__“Who talked you into it?”_ _

__“… Nagisa. I don’t know how, but he conned Haru into it too.”_ _

__Somehow, he wasn’t surprised, “How successful was it?”_ _

__“… well, we got Kou.”_ _

__Rin narrowed his eyes at Makoto, filing that fact away as he reassessed what he knew about his sister and tried not to judge._ _

__“That’s it?”_ _

__“… yeah.”_ _

__Rin let out a whistle, “That is really sad. Gou’s not even a regular.”_ _

__“Well, it’s fun,” Makoto said thoughtfully, her lips curving into a small smile, “I’m just… happy to be there with everyone.”_ _

He arched a brow, “You’re not in it to win? I don’t know about you, but winning is _really_ fun.”

__“…well, while it would be nice, I do want to be realistic. Our fifth member is just learning how to swim, so…”_ _

__“My god, how do you guys even function? Don’t say anymore, seriously, I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel this sorry.”_ _

__“He can only swim the butterfly right now, and—”_ _

__“Stop, seriously, that is so damned tragic, I don’t even—”_ _

__Makoto laughed, deliberately bumping Rin in the side as they walked along the street._ _

____

  
  


* * *

  
  
He’d enjoyed Saturday. A lot. In fact, he was deliberating doing another Saturday.

They were considered reconciled at this point, right? Makoto had enjoyed herself, Rin had enjoyed himself, and that was pretty much what reconciliation was, wasn’t it? Although it had seemed like she’d gone out of her way to mention Haru with every other sentence, he figured it was a _testament_ to how far he’d come as a well-rounded human being that he hadn’t gone on any anger-fuelled rampages. That’s right; he had definitely matured as an individual. He’d even been able to make fun of her club _casually_ without coming off like an asshole. This was definitely progress, right? This was definitely improvement, right? It had to be. No, he was sure it was. He was evolving into a bigger and better Matusoka Rin. This was good. This was _great_. Reconciliation was the best fucking idea he (Gou) had ever had.

He was posting better times, too. Something about his good mood just seemed to make it easier to glide through the water, kick a little harder, and he was even able to withstand Nitori’s excited babbling without biting his head off. Someone joked about him getting a girlfriend, but this was _better_. Not only had he made up with an estranged childhood friend, it so happened that said childhood friend was Tachibana Makoto, whose smile famously soothed children and nursed wounded hearts.

Granted, he did take into account how much more she seemed to smile with the rest of her swim team. It wasn’t much of a surprise, considering how gung-ho she was about teamwork and cooperation, and what was Rin but a stick in the mud who swam solo? And… loath as he was to admit it, _Haruka_ was there. How she managed to hang onto him for so long, he never understood, but he completely resented Haruka’s utter nonchalance in the face of so much _niceness_.

Just…

It was _unfair_.

It was unfair that Haruka had someone like Makoto, that Makoto _wanted_ to spend so much time with Haruka. How could he remain so blank when she lavished him with so much attention? What did she see in him? What did she even like about him? His swimming? That was bullshit. Haruka may be fan-freaking-tastic underwater, but there were plenty of better swimmers out there and he’d be _damned_ if that was the reason she stuck to him like a limpet. Besides which, Haruka was a weirdo. Like, a legit dropped-out-of-a-space-ship _alien_. Unless that was a thing Makoto was into, he couldn’t fathom what about Haruka she would find attractive.

 _Hipbones_ , Rin thought in annoyance, _Fucking hipbones._

Fine. So it was entirely possible that Makoto was hot for Haruka’s body. Compared to him, Rin was definitely better built; he was in top shape and exercised every day like a fucking _champ_. There was no way he’d lose to Haruka in terms of looks. She liked Rin’s _shoulders_ , and that counted for something, even if they weren’t goddamn fucking hipbones. Shit.

 _Shit._ He was comparing himself to an _alien_. Why was he comparing himself to an alien? Why was this even important? The only thing he cared about was beating Haru’s ass. And if Haru was going to take Makoto for granted, well Rin’d wipe the floor with him on that too.

His phone beeped. It was a message from Makoto.

  
  


* * *

  
  
“Pay up,” Yamase, a senior in the swim team, held his hand out, “This is as good as evidence.”

“It’s not,” the other member, Touda, whined.

“Yes, it is. Matsuoka!” Rin looked up at Yamase. “You going out on a date or something?”

Rin scowled, “I’m going _out_.”

“No guy spends an extra twenty minutes _primping_ in front of the mirror if he wasn’t going out on a date,” Yamase said smugly. He all but shoved his hand in Touda’s face, “Pay up.”

“You’re taking bets on my personal life?”

“Kind of hard to resist when you fluctuate between mooning and cloud nine.”

He flushed, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Riiiiight,” Yamase grinned. Rin hightailed it out of the locker room before he could be the butt of any more inane comments. He didn’t slam the door shut fast enough to block out the parting, “Use a condom!”

Him? On a date? What were they, middle school girls? Gou, he could handle, but he basically lived and trained with these guys and he could already see them harping on this topic until he confronted them with concrete proof of, (A) the existence of a girlfriend; or (B) him being dumped. The third option, which was (C), involved telling them the truth. As much as he wanted to resort to it, it would never work. 

He figured that he could probably coordinate with Makoto for whichever situation he chose, although (B) would definitely be more convenient in the long run. Plus, if the guys were as loyal as they seemed, they’d probably ply him with freebies to mend his broken heart (in between the token ribbing). He could deal with that. 

Aw, fuck it. Let them think whatever they wanted. Makoto was fun to hang out with, no more and no less. They’d probably be jealous when they found out, considering how popular she was among Samezukites. 

It was just… nice.

That was all it was.

Rin stopped walking and closed his eyes, taking in a slow, deep breath as he felt the sun on his face and the wind in his hair. It was good. It was all good. It was a good day to go to an outdoor music festival, and it was good that Makoto had asked him out. It was good that they were friends again. She’d told him that she missed him. He didn’t realise he’d missed her too.

He just… he’d forgotten what it had been like. So. It was good. It was _nice_. And she was good to him, which was… really nice. He didn’t know that he’d been yearning for goodwill until she’d offered it to him, and when he finally recognised it for what it was, he discovered just how much he needed it. And it really had helped. It just felt easier, swimming and talking and trusting someone else with his back. That was why he really wanted to get his act together; he was _grateful_. 

He repeated that like a mantra in his head.

Because he finally found Makoto. With _Haru_. And Nagisa.

 _Be nice, be nice, be nice,_ he thought, clenching his fists at his sides when Makoto perked up at the sight of him, jogging over to where Rin had stood rooted to the ground.

“Sorry to call you out at the last minute!” She said breathlessly, “I hope you didn’t get lost, because Haru and I sure did!”

“Why are they here?”

“Um,” Makoto smiled at him cluelessly, “Just wanted to spend time together for old time’s sake. Nagisa really likes a band that’s performing and—”

“I’m leaving,” he turned, but Makoto caught him by the arm.

“—What? Why? You just got here. Did… Did something come up?”

“Yes,” he said, good mood shot to hell, “They did.”

“… I don’t understand.”

“I agreed to hang out with you, not them,” Rin said hotly, and then it hit him. Oh shit, it really hit him. “I don’t know what was going through your head when you did this, but I’m not interested in making nice with them, not even with you as the go-between. So. Bye.”

He shook her off and turned on his heel, ignoring Makoto’s shouts and shit, shit, _shit_ how could he have been so stupid? Of _course_ , Makoto would spend all that time putting up with him. Of _course_ , he’d feel this way.

Rin broke into a run and didn’t look back.

  
  


* * *

  
  
There was a knock on the door. Rin’s voice was muffled through his pillow, “Leave me alone.”

It creaked open and he sat up in irritation. 

“…What are you doing here?”

“Your roommate recognised me wandering around outside and let me in,” Makoto said quietly, closing the door behind her, “I’d wondered if you went home but when I saw you weren’t there, I decided to try your dorm.”

“Yeah, like you’d just ditch your friends in a place like that,” he ran a hand through his hair, “Go back, they’re probably worried about you.” 

“They told me to go after you.”

“How chivalrous.”

“… because I looked too worried to have fun.”

Rin sighed, deeply, burying his face in his hands.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out, and he looked up at her, “For… being insensitive. I didn’t realise that it bothered you so much that Haru and Nagisa were there. I should have told you from the beginning, but I didn’t think… I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable or unhappy or anything like that, I just…”

God almighty, she was apologising to him. The irritation from before was being rapidly replaced by guilt. _Again_.

“I didn’t realise,” she said with a steadying breath, “That… That you liked spending time with me.”

Rin blanked out for a moment.

“ _WHAT?_ ”

“From the beginning, you were only indulging Kou and myself, weren’t you?” She explained in a hurry, “I thought, when you agreed to come out with me today, you were only being polite, and—”

“Makoto,” Rin interrupted, rising to his feet, completely incredulous, “Why the _hell_ would I spend so much time with someone I didn’t like?”

“I don’t know! I mean, I knew you were feeling a bit guilty for what you said to me during the camp, and I _had_ wanted an apology, which you gave. And when I mentioned wanting to go out again, I just assumed that you were doing it as a courtesy, so I thought... I mean, you just…”

“ _You_ said that I wasn’t the type of guy who’d do something I really didn’t want to.”

“Yes, but…” Makoto was wringing her hands, looking at Rin in a mixture of hope and uncertainty.

“Oh my god,” Rin breathed, realisation dawning like the fucking sun, “It’s like talking to a wall.”

“Rin?”

“FINE,” he threw his hands up in frustration, “GOOD. PERFECT. GOD DAMN IT.”

“A-Are you okay?”

“You listen to me,” he said sharply, turning to face her and jabbing a finger in her direction, “Because I am going to lay all my cards down on the table, and I am going to repeat myself until you understand what I am saying with crystal clarity. Got it?” 

“Got it,” she looked alarmed.

Rin looked Makoto in the eye and inhaled once.

“I like you. I’ve been doing all this crap, because I like you. I stormed off like an angry schoolgirl just now, because I like you. I am basically going completely against character because I need you to know, beyond all reasonable doubt, _that I like you._ ”

Makoto’s eyes were wide as saucers, “REALLY?”

“The penny drops,” Rin sighed, leaning against the frame of his bunk bed.

“But you never said anything!”

“How could I?!” Rin snapped. He quickly reeled himself back in, toning down to his usual irritation, “I’m saying it now.”

“So all this time, you weren’t actually just putting up with me?”

“No,” he said sullenly, “I do actually like doing stuff like movies, even if you pick really lousy ones.”

“You were crying, too.”

“Shut up, that didn’t count.”

A smile flickered across her lips briefly at that, but it disappeared just as quickly as it had come. “I… I don't know…”

Rin let out a cry of anguish, “What’s there not to know?! This is as good as a signed confession!”

“But you always have this really unhappy look on your face whenever you’re with me!”

“ _That’s because you talk non-stop about Haru._ ”

“How was I supposed to know that?” Makoto burst out, “You clam up on me any time I try to ask you about your school, or your club, or Australia—”

"I'm _SHY_ , okay?!"

" _YOU'RE_ shy?!"

"I get tongue-tied! Do you know how hard it is to talk to someone you have a crush on?!" 

"What about me? I don’t know what else to talk about! All I have is school, and my family, and swimming, and Haru’s involved in all of that! And the only other thing we have in common is Kou, but I see her more than you do and it’s not like you need to hear about her from me!”

“Well, I mean- I just- _Yes_ , okay, those are all valid points,” Rin could feel a headache coming on, “Just. Do you like me, yes or no.”

She looked at a loss for words, “I… I _do_ like you, Rin. But, I mean, up until five minutes ago I thought you might have hated me.”

“Which I _don’t_.”

“Well, I know that _now_ , but… I mean, this is a lot to take in! I _do_ like you, I just… I don’t know if it’s the same as what you feel.”

“Okay. Fine. You're dense as a brick. I get it,” Rin breathed in slowly, “Figure it out and get back to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had to break a really significant portion off from this chapter to turn it into a chapter of its own. There is a LOT to expect from the last two chapters, and your comments keep me going!
> 
>  **ETA:** OOPS, I accidentally uploaded and older draft! The ending is a little different, for those who were curious.


	6. Chapter 6

“I don’t understand, Captain,” Nitori piped up from the middle of the bus, “We’re not swimming? Then why are we bringing our gear along?”

“Unless some of us will be swimming exhibitions.”

“Naw,” Mikoshiba stretched his arms behind his head and corrected a kink in his back, “Well, some of you maybe can swim if there are empty lanes, but I wouldn’t count on it. But anyway, the reason for our gear is a big surprise, and I’m not gonna spoil it.”

“Gear or no gear, shouldn’t we be better dressed? I mean, we’re going to greet our sponsors and all.”

“No, no, trust me on this one. It’s gonna be great.”

Rin just rolled his eyes as they kept trying to prod the truth out of Mikoshiba, to no avail. He averted his gaze to the scenery coasting past them, making out the long, white shoreline and the great, blue sea in the distance, absently toying with the hem of his jersey. He hadn’t wanted to go – they weren’t even swimming, exhibitions notwithstanding – but Mikoshiba had been intractable about the competing members of the swim club attending as observers. He had rattled off something about ‘rewarding effort’ and ‘good turnout at the last meet’ and despite the whining and disgruntled looks the team had given Mikoshiba, Rin had to admit that most of them were curious about other swimmers in the municipality. 

It wasn’t particularly far to Tottori University (which was the only place within range with (A) a swimming pool and (B) a swimming pool that was an Olympic-sized 50 metres) but their main sponsor, Wave Sports, had chartered them a bus anyway. They probably had a very good relationship, given how Mikoshiba had been acting. All the same, Rin decided to take this as a learning experience; if he wanted to make his way to the nationals, it would do for him to study his competition.

Besides which, considering the municipality involved…

“… don’t psyche yourself out, Rei-chan! You’ve been practicing hard and…”

He’d expected as much.

“Sempai?” Nitori peeked out from the group of Samezukites that were being herded to a box, “Where are you going?”

“I’ll catch up.”

“Wait—”

Rin strode across the walkway into the wide waiting area under the bleachers. He heard the pattering of Nitori’s feet as the kid chased after him, but he didn’t pay him any mind. 

There. He knew it.

“Yo.”

Four heads whipped round.

“Oniichan! What are you doing here?”

Nitori staggered to a halt by his side, huffing lightly. He was bent over but his head was raised, eyes trained on the little group in front of them.

“…Oh, you wanted to check out Iwatobi SC, sempai?”

“Hi there!” Nagisa chirped, “You’re on the Samezuka swim team, right? You guys competing?

“Oh, uh,” Nitori regained his bearings, “Ah, we’re just here to watch. We already have sponsorship with Wave, so…”

“Yes!” Nagisa and Rei exchanged high-fives behind Haruka’s head, “One less opponent! That cash prize is ours!”

Nitori looked amused. Rin ignored the entire exchange and narrowed his eyes at Haruka.

“Shame we’re not competing. But the prefecturals are the prefecturals, and this is this. Not that I wouldn’t whoop you either way.”

“The only thing you’re gonna whoop is your own ass,” Haruka deadpanned.

“You really think you have an inch on me? You look like you’ve been cramming in exercise at the last minute.”

“Just because you’re beefy doesn’t make you faster.”

“I’ve got my muscles built in all the right places, which is more than I can say for your scrawny ass.”

Haruka frowned at Rin, “My ass isn’t scrawny.”

“You wouldn’t put a dent in the water.”

“I’m exactly the size I need to be.”

“You’re not,” and Rin suddenly felt his throat clenching like a _vice_ , irrationally angry at Haruka, “You think you’re gonna be good enough to win? You barely look like you put any effort into training.”

“Uh, Rin-chan, maybe…” Nagisa could sense the sudden shift in mood but Rin ignored him. He was good at that.

“You don’t honestly think that I’ll be the same as I was back when you sneaked into Samezuka, do you? Just a bit of effort and I’ll be beat? Are you even taking me seriously, or is this some afterschool special to you?”

“We’re meeting at the prefecturals,” Haruka said, his tone steely, “That’s what you said, and that’s what’s going to happen. Now is now. Then will be then.”

“Yeah?” Rin stepped closer, “Because I bet you I could outswim your ass _right now_.”

“Maybe you should put your money where your mouth is,” Haru didn’t back down.

“Sempai,” Nitori sounded uncomfortable.

“Oh, if there’s an extra lane in your heat, I’ll be there.”

“Well why don’t you make sure?”

“What’s going on here?” Makoto emerged from the crowd, a frown on her face. Behind her, the Iwatobi Swim Club heaved a collective sigh of relief. Her eyes lit up in recognition when she realised Rin was there, and she turned slightly red as she undoubtedly recalled their last conversation. She cleared her throat and looked away, which made Rin’s kneejerk irritated embarrassment kick in.

“Nothing’s going on,” Rin bit out, “Just discussing how soon I’ll be wiping the floor with Haru.”

Makoto looked taken aback, “Is this really the—”

“Maybe you will or maybe you won’t, but that remains to be seen.”

“Haru!”

“Big words from the guy who lost our last race.”

“I was fine with it then and I’m fine with it now. What about you?”

“ _What_ did you say—”

“The two of you, please—”

“It’s true. So you’re not satisfied. That’s why we’ll meet at the prefecturals, like you’d said. And this time, win or lose, you’re going to be satisfied.”

“Only because _I am going to beat you_.”

“Stop it—”

“This hasn’t got anything to do with you, Mako—” 

“Don’t you talk to her like that,” Haruka snapped, pulling Makoto back and moving in between her and Rin.

“Ex _cuse_ me?”

“I don’t know what you’ve been doing or saying to Mako because she won’t tell us, but every time she sees you, she comes back looking awful. You don’t have any right to treat her that way.”

“What gives you the right to say that crap to my face, have _you_ looked in a mirror?”

“What?” Haruka’s sincerely puzzled face made Rin even angrier, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Of _course_ , you don’t. That’s the problem with you, isn’t it?”

“We don’t have any problems.”

“Oh, peachy, I’m sure everything’s perfect in paradise.”

“Stop deflecting,” Rin was surprised by Haru’s sharpness; he’d only ever assumed Haru just floated along aimlessly, like a water-obsessed freestyle otaku, “I’ve never made her look the way you have. I’m not the one who made her—”

“That’s _enough_ ,” Makoto’s voice was loud and firm, and she separated Rin and Haruka who had been nearly chest to chest. She looked at them levelly, with an expression that made Rin feel unbearably guilty, “I’m right here and I don’t need _anyone_ to speak on my behalf on what I do or do not feel. You can fight all you want, but you are _not allowed_ to use me as a justification for whatever problems you have with each other. If the two of you would just disengage from your ridiculous tunnel vision for more than two seconds, _maybe_ , just _maybe_ , you might notice that other people exist around you and that they dislike the arguing that you do.”

In that moment’s pause, Haruka and Rin did, in fact, notice for the first time just how worried Nitori and the rest of Iwatobi SC looked.

Makoto looked at Haruka, “I appreciate how you feel, but you’re not standing up for me. You’re standing up to _Rin_. I don’t like you doing that with me as your excuse, so please don’t do it again.”

When Haruka could only respond with a dumb nod, she turned to Rin, “This has got to stop.” 

It seemed like she had more to say, pausing and opening her mouth, but she ended up just sighing, shaking her head. That… made Rin feel worse than any yelling or scolding she could have dished out. Because he could tell exactly what she wanted to say to him. He needed to stop being a jerk. He needed to stop picking fights. She’d accepted his apology a while back, that much both of them knew, but now it was his entire damned personality that just kept getting in the way and he wanted to change, but it was _complicated_ , and he just hated how much Haruka had, and…

He stopped his train of thought right there as Makoto pulled at Haruka’s arm and calmly asked that the team go get warmed up, with a polite and well-worn smile.

The entire group, Nitori included, just stared at Makoto in shock.

  
  


* * *

  
  


“…sempai?”

“ _What_.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m _fine_ ,” he wanted to snap, but it came out without any real force, which only seemed to intensify the worry on Nitori’s face.

“Do you want to go back? Maybe talk to Captain Tachibana?”

“What’s there to talk about,” Rin’s hands were jammed in his pockets and he just sunk lower in his seat, wanting to disappear completely. 

“You look like you want to apologise.”

“Fat lot of good that will do.”

“You sure? I think that’s all she wants.”

“That’s not what she wants,” he replied bitterly, “She wants everything to go back to the way it used to.”

“Is that… bad?”

Rin glared at Nitori, noting the curious look on his face. He just grunted and said nothing more, eyes back on the ground. Beyond the glass of their box, there was shouting and cheering as another heat finished up. True to Mikoshiba’s word, there were barely any lanes available for exhibitions. Rin didn’t even feel like checking the other swimmers out anymore.

“The results are looking pretty much according to expectations,” said Sakano, one of the bespectacled seniors, as he flicked through his notebook, “Too bad the Cap’s favourite team won’t place.”

“Eh?!” Mikoshiba grabbed the member’s shoulder, “Why not?!”

“Not enough points,” he replied patiently, “They lucked out in being one of the few schools with girls on the team, so they managed to gain some ground there, but they didn’t do well in men’s butterfly, and placed second in women’s freestyle. With only three guys, they can’t do a relay either, so… I don’t think they’ll manage to make it to top three.”

Rin tuned it all out. He really, really didn’t care. In the grand scheme of things, this was all completely inconsequential. All he needed to do was train and focus on the prefecturals. All he needed to do was win. Nothing else mattered.

“…oh my god! Sempai! Sempai! You gotta look!”

“ _What?_ ” Rin tried to shake Nitori off, but the kid had a tight grip on his arm and was shaking it like his life depended on it.

“Sempai! It’s… It’s a mixed relay!”

“… a _what?_ ”

“A mixed relay! Two boys and two girls and—oh my god! Sempai! It’s Iwatobi!”

 _Two boys and two girls_. Rin’s eyes widened and he immediately scrambled past Nitori, rushing to the edge of the box and pressing his hands against the glass. 

Nitori was right – Iwatobi _was_ swimming. Of the very few mixed teams lined up he counted four, and the other lanes had all-male teams who were probably swimming exhibitions. He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Gou’s silhouette, recognising her nervous tics as Makoto helped her bun up her hair into her cap. He bolted from the box, ignoring the others calling out his name, and ran as fast as he could to the pool so he could see for himself just _what the fuck was going on_.

By the time he arrived, it had already begun. He hadn't heard the countdown, only the horn. His heart nearly stopped. Gou was third in line for the medley relay and she was swimming butterfly. She was swimming _butterfly_.

Before he knew it, she was in the water. His blood was pounding in his ears, heard some people yelling her name, and he cupped his hand around his mouth and screamed at her to go for all he was worth. He recognised some of the techniques she was using as his, but she didn’t have the power to propel herself forward, like the other swimmers who’d trained for this properly had, and—shit, whose _stupid_ fucking idea was this? If he’d known she was going to swim, he would have… he would have…

“YOU CAN DO IT, GOU! USE YOUR ARMS! KEEP KICKING!”

Fuck it. He started yelling at her to swim again; she was gaining on the other swimmers, slowly but surely, and as he raced along the pool to follow her movements, he saw that she’d managed a decent turn. She just needed to finish her leg of the race and it would be _fine_. She was doing okay for an amateur. She could swim just a little more. She was nearly done. She was doing just fine. He cheered some more.

By the time Haruka took over, Rin felt like he’d just finished swimming his own individual medley and sank to his feet.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Samezuka SC was chattering excitedly among themselves as the award ceremony ended. Rin had barely been able to focus on the rest of the relay after that stunt, fixated on Gou and nothing else. As he lingered by the pool area he saw how inconsolable Gou had been, crying into Makoto’s chest, and he heard Makoto thanking her again and again through the shushing and the soothing. He couldn’t tear his eyes away, wanted very badly to go up to his sister to ask what she’d been thinking and to tell her she did _well_ , but it was difficult with everyone there. Besides, Gou needed someone like Makoto, someone who could comfort her and say the right things to her and make her feel like a million bucks. 

_It’s okay_ , he thought, _I can see her later._ And he allowed himself to be herded into the bus with the rest of the team.

“Snorkelling at Uradome?! Chief, you’re a _star!_ ”

“Hey, don’t thank me, thank Wave!” Mikoshiba replied cheerfully, “I’ve got some people I wanna thank, myself!”

“Suuuure you do.”

“Shut up, man, he gets to hang out with his crush, can you blame the lunkhead?”

“You’re telling me. I can’t believe they managed to get third place!”

“Are you kidding? Did you see Iwatobi’s comeback? Despite the slow down near the end, the rest of the team completely outdid themselves.”

“I’m more surprised Wave decided to host a mixed relay. I mean, the number of women’s teams in the district is pretty low, isn’t it?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly why the Cap’s grateful, if you know what I’m saying.”

“ _Ohhhhhhhhhh_ , that explains a lot.”

“Shut up, or you guys are gonna stay on the bus while we check out the coral reefs,” Mikoshiba’s retort was blunted by the big grin on his face, “I don’t hear any of you complaining about spending time with Captain Tachibana.”

“Uh, is there anything to complain about?”

“Hells naw!”

“You’re not gonna hear anything from me.”

“Or me.”

The bus continued on in that vein until they reached the marina, about an hour’s drive away. Nitori was going through the play-by-play with the other regulars until the organisers started the next part of the proceedings, introducing Samezuka to the three winning teams and giving them five minutes to formally exchange greetings. The winning Tottori Nishi and Iwami were grouped together, while Samezuka and Iwatobi were going to be riding the same boat (to the not-so-discreet cheering of certain Samezuka SC members). Uradome Coast was pristine and immaculate, and though the waves were a little rocky, given the slightly overcast weather, it looked like it was going to be a really good outing. Despite everything, Rin was suddenly really glad Gou had participated in the relay, because snorkelling at such a beautiful place was an excellent reward for all her hard work.

Gou. He needed to see her.

He’d been trying to avoid the other Iwatobites (although Nagisa had a genetic refusal of being avoided, which Rin had already resigned himself to five years prior) which was relatively easy, as Makoto had naturally become the centre of attention, which meant she was keeping Haruka on a relatively short leash, but a quick scan and some well-placed questions led him to the cabin below deck. Inside were a handful of Samezukites, and off to a corner, Gou was talking to her club supervisor and Glasses. He coughed, drawing the attention of the small crowd, noting the surprise on the faces of the Iwatobites. A significant look to the door eventually led to him and Gou getting some privacy as the others filed out, his team members genially clapping his back as they left. He closed the door firmly behind them.

“Hey,” Rin said softly, taking a seat by her side.

“Oh,” her reply was watery, “Hi, oniichan.” 

“You did good.”

“D-Did I?” Tears were welling up in her eyes again, and she began to scrub at them furiously, “If-If it wasn’t for me, we could have won the relay…”

“You idiot,” Rin sighed, pulling Gou into his arms, “If it weren’t for you, your crummy team would never have even placed.”

“They’re not _crummy_ ,” she sobbed into his shoulder.

“A manager has to face reality,” he whispered in her ear, and she let out a single weak chuckle and smacked him lightly on the back, “You did really well, for someone who’s never done anything like that before. If you were really that bad, your team wouldn’t have been able to pick up the slack.”

“…really?”

“Yes, really. So… you don’t have anything worth crying about.”

“…really?”

“Really, really.”

The sobbing eventually thinned into hiccoughs, and Rin kept stroking her hair, staring up at the ceiling as he silently counted the seconds in between her sniffing. He felt her nuzzling into him slightly and he couldn’t help the slight smile at that; he and his dad both had spoilt her growing up, and he supposed it really had been a long time since they’d last spent any time together.

“I was,” she had a few false starts, but eventually managed to speak, “I was pretty bad, huh?”

“You weren’t bad,” Rin mused, “For a complete beginner.”

“You butt-head,” she said softly, “I tried… I tried to swim like you.”

“…I know. I saw.”

“You did?”

“Didn’t you hear? I was screaming my head off for you.”

Gou pulled back at that, arms still wrapped loosely around Rin as she looked up into his eyes, a hopeful expression on her face, voice impossibly small, “You were?”

“’Course I was,” Rin frowned, “If I’d known you were gonna swim, I would have taught you myself. Only, you never seemed interested in doing it before…”

“I… I wasn’t, really,” Gou glanced downwards, “The only reason I did it was because Mako asked me to.”

Rin stilled at that.

“She said… She said it was probably the last time she could swim a relay with the others, since nationals comps aren’t easy going like your old swim club, and we won’t be able to get girls on the team for at least another year, if we’re lucky. She said that she really wanted to win something, so she secretly signed us up, because… because she guessed we wouldn’t have enough points. And when I lost, she kept thanking me, said it was like… since I looked like you and swam your stroke…”

“You don’t have to say anything anymore,” Rin’s voice was thick, “I understand.”

“… You’re not mad?”

“No,” he said, “Why should I be?”

Gou smiled at him, still watery, but genuine. He smiled back at her and pinched her nose, which she immediately swatted away.

“I feel like such a baby for crying now,” she said, wiping her eyes, “I’m gonna go and check out the reefs with everyone else!”

“You do that, crybaby.”

“ _Oh_ , you’re gonna get it from me the next time you come home.”

“I’m shaking in my boots.”

“Meanie,” she stuck her tongue out at him, and before he could do anything else, the door to the cabin swung open. Rin and Gou both glanced over to see Haruka staring at them expressionlessly. 

“They told me to get the snorkelling gear.”

“Oh, they’re in the back, in the red boxes. I’ll help—”

“Stupid,” Rin scowled at her, “You just said you wanted to check the reefs out. I’ll grab the equipment.”

Gou lit up at him, giving him a quick squeeze and whispering thanks into his ear before she exited the cabin with a flourish. Rin could only sigh, running a hand through his hair.

“… what are you looking at.”

“The equipment isn’t going to carry itself.”

Rin glared at Haruka, but got to his feet, grumbling under his breath. Towards the very back of the cabin were two large plastic cool boxes that had been stuffed with flippers and masks and tubes. It would probably have been easier for the others to come below deck to put on the gear themselves, but doorway was narrow and he was well aware that flippers and stairs didn’t mesh well. From the thick rope handles on the sides, he assumed they were supposed to lug it out.

“Makoto said you’re misunderstanding something,” Haruka broke the silence, looking at him seriously.

“Carry the right side of the damned box,” Rin said, not wanting to have this particular conversation.

“Makoto also said you would run away from a serious face-to-face conversation.”

“Holy shit, you two are so married, it’s gross,” Rin ignored the glare Haruka shot him.

“Are you really making it up to her, like she says?”

“…She said that?”

Haruka nodded.

“Sort of,” he cleared his throat, thinking of Gou, “Yeah. I mean, yes.”

Haruka gave him a look, and finally nodded again. “So what are you misunderstanding?”

“Nothing! Just—Look, it’s your face, okay? It bugs the hell out of me.”

Haruka actually seemed a little surprised at that, “What’s wrong with my face?”

“You’ve got this shitty poker face going on and it drives me up the bend.”

“…I don’t follow. I’ve had this face since I was born.”

Rin let out an annoyed sound, “I just don’t understand how you can be so damned blank when you have someone who caters to your every whim by your side. _That’s_ what I don’t understand, on top of your god awful swimming.”

Haruka contemplated Rin’s words for a moment.

“… and so the problem you have is with my lack of expressions?”

Rin was caught off-guard, “Well, not if you put it like _that_ — “

“I think I understand,” Haruka interrupted, “I appreciate everything Makoto does for me. We’re childhood friends. Her family feeds me when I run out of food. It’s not something I’m likely to forget any time soon. She also lives behind my house, and sits beside me in class.”

“Great,” Rin was gritting his teeth, desperately trying not to be jealous, “The point is, I’d hate you much less if you actually _showed_ your damned appreciation instead of leaving her out to dry.”

Haruka blinked, “You hate me?”

Rin shot him a look of despair, “I do now.”

“This was much easier when it was just about swimming.”

“God, the alien finally talks sense.”

“All right.”

“Good.”

“Just so we’re clear,” Haruka said, gripping one of the handles tightly, “Neither of us will hurt Makoto anymore.”

Rin dropped his side of the box, “Did you just—”

“She says I didn’t do anything, but she also likes sparing my feelings,” Haruka was deceptively toneless, but his eyes looked doubtful and a little upset, “If you saw something… And you’re saying I’ve been ‘unappreciative’…”

Rin grabbed the handle again and hoisted up, pulling Haruka along so they could move it towards the entrance.

“Rin,” Haruka tried again, “Swimming is swimming. I’ll take you on at the prefecturals, and that’s between us. But about everything else… especially now, don’t forget where we are.”

Rin glanced at Haruka, looking confused, “…Iwami?”

He saw the slightly frustrated furrow in Haruka’s brow, “The ocean.”

Oh.

_Oh._

Outside, there was a loud splash. They were on a boat. It could have been anything, the anchor or the engine or an errant wave. But he also heard laughing, and a name. He couldn’t believe he had forgotten, because he had been so preoccupied with Gou, but now that he’d been reminded… He hadn’t even managed to drop the box before Haruka shoved him aside to run out onto deck and dive into the water.

When he came back to his senses, Rin tore off his jersey and did the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was on the verge of murder, this chapter was so awful to write. 
> 
> For the record, [Tottori University does indeed have a 50 m pool](http://www.tottori-u.ac.jp/dd.aspx?menuid=3060) and [Uradome Coast](http://www2.tottori-guide.jp/tourism/tour/view/106), aside from being part of a heritage site, is an incredibly beautiful tourist attraction.
> 
> Also, [FINA, the international federation for competitive swimming, has recently agreed to introduce mixed relays at the Olympics](http://espn.go.com/olympics/swimming/story/_/id/9511169/fina-approves-mixed-gender-relays-future-worlds). Mixed relays are prrrreeeetty uncommon in general (much less Japanese high school comps) but let's just say Wave Sports is trying to encourage swimming among boys and girls as part of its CSR (which, in turn, leads to more people buying their products shhh).
> 
> Comments, as ever, keep me going.
> 
> ETA: THANKS FOR THE NOTE ON MEDLEY ORDER, JAXINK. I am so tired i s2g guys.
> 
> ETA2: I also went back and gave names to the faceless Samezuka seniors to lessen the confusion and for future fic purposes (not in this one though), so we have Yamase, Touda and Sakano. It's really not that important, but I figure I may as well let you know so you don't get weirded out if you re-read.


	7. Chapter 7

The water was like a shock to his system, colder than he had anticipated, and the salt stung his eyes, making his vision blur and itch. 

Rin swept through the water, moving his arms and legs in wide arcs in order to dive even deeper through the heavy, unrelenting tide. Belatedly, he remembered they had come to snorkel, which meant shallows and potential injury from thick sprouting corals, but the anger and worry that had rushed through him in tandem were quickly quashed when he regained his bearings enough to realise that they were _anchored_. They couldn’t harm the reefs, especially not with a boat, so they had to anchor, meaning they were further seaward. There was enough water in between the corals and the surface for Makoto to be unharmed. 

And yet, that was worse, somehow. Because in the deep dark depths, he could only imagine how frightened she was.

Rin felt a rush of cold water tugging him deeper, and it suddenly occurred to him: _Undersea currents._ What if she had been pulled down into an undertow? He started looking around frantically, trying to make out the shapes of Haruka or Makoto through the shroud of particles, but it was too dark to see well, with the sun hidden behind a thick swathe of clouds. In the corner of his peripheral vision, he caught sight of movement and whipped his head around to chase after it. Although what he had actually seen were a scurrying school of fish (and, on a slightly chilling side note, a small and harmless species of shark), it led his eyes to a blurry outline of a human being swimming vertically downwards. Rin pushed through the water, trying to reach them as fast as he could despite the power of the currents, until he was eventually close enough that he could see Haruka with his arms around Makoto, gliding out from what was possibly the bottom of the undertow. Rin joined Haruka as he made a beeline for the surface and they broke through the water, kicking hard to keep afloat and panting harshly for air.

Rin moved closer, trying to get a better look at Makoto, worried that she was unconscious, but her eyes were wide and afraid and her arms were wrapped tightly around Haruka’s neck, coughing and choking out sea water. She was pale and shaking, not a sound coming out of her mouth otherwise.

“Get onto the boat,” Haruka’s words were half-gargled as the waves dragged him above and below the surface, “I’ll pass her to you.”

He probably couldn’t see but Rin nodded anyway, swimming for the ladder along the side of the boat. He let someone help pull him up – body feeling unbearably heavy now that he was no longer underwater – and reached out for Makoto as Haruka grabbed onto the rungs with one hand and tried to hoist her up with the other. Rin nearly felt himself stagger over into the sea with the additional weight, but a hand on his shoulders steadied him and jerked him back into balance. Rin gathered Makoto in his arms and carried her straight back into the cabin, ignoring the others as they crowded around him. In the background, he heard Nagisa and Gou forcing the Samezukites to calm down and give them room. Makoto buried her face in his chest as she gripped him tightly.

Gentle as he could, Rin lowered Makoto onto the seat of a window alcove, her club supervisor rushing over with a towel to warm her up, draping it over her shoulders. With trembling fingers, Makoto grasped its edges, crossing her arms protectively across her chest and hunching over. Rin didn’t know what to do, willing the other Iwatobi members to hurry on up and file into the cabin faster. He wracked his brain, trying to think of calming techniques for people experiencing trauma, but he drew a blank. As he looked at Makoto, really looked, all he could see was that one memory from a long time ago, her looking frightened like this. Only, it had been different, without her shuttered off; she had been frantic, bent over Haruka and trying to shake him awake. He couldn’t remember how she had calmed down then; only her face remained in his mind, ashen and afraid. Tentatively he reached forward and touched her cheek but Makoto jerked away, clutching the towel even tighter around her. Rin’s mouth went dry.

Two hands reached forward, swiping away Makoto’s wet bangs and cradling her head, forcing her to look up. When her eyes lit with recognition, she let out a shaky breath and lurched forward, hugging Haruka tightly and sobbing into his chest, trying to say his name and all sorts of things, but she was crying so hard she could barely speak. Without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around her, repositioning himself so he was seated closer and her face was nestled more comfortably in the crook of his neck as he petted her hair and stroked her back gently.

The other members of Iwatobi SC, mostly gathered now, exchanged significant glances. They stood, making their way to the exit. Rin paused only briefly before he forced himself to follow suit.

Outside, Samezuka SC swarmed them.

“What’s wrong? Did she get injured?”

“We didn’t mean anything by it…”

“Is she… Is she angry with us?”

“…just thought she’d laugh it off and swim back…”

“She’s okay,” Nagisa tried to be placating, a sheepish smile on his face, “It doesn’t look like she’s hurt, but it looks like she’s in shock. Haru’s with her right now, so let’s just leave them alone so she can calm down, okay?”

They murmured a mix of assent and apologies, conferring worriedly. All they could do was wait.

“Hey, Matsuoka,” Mikoshiba suddenly said, “You were there, weren’t you? What happened?”

Rin hesitated, wondering what he should say, not wanting to say anything, really, “… Haru got to her before I did. You should just wait for what he has to say.”

That made them look even more miserable, but it was enough to keep them off his back for now. He sat close to the cabin door, fingers twined and knees close to his body. He couldn’t stop thinking about her and how she’d flinched away from him. He didn’t have a reason to be offended or upset by it, she was in panic. She was scared.

... Haru had saved her. 

He hadn’t hesitated for even a second. The moment he’d heard the splash, he had all but dived into the water, regardless of whether or not it had really been Makoto overboard. Rin wanted badly to think that it was because of all the things he had said to Haru, but the truth was that he knew Haru was constantly thinking of her. 

The cabin door creaked open and all eyes were on Haruka.

“Her leg cramped. She was caught in an undertow and panicked. She’s not hurt. She says it was a fluke, and not to feel bad, but she also wants to be alone for a bit.”

Because _of course_ she’d try to make the others feel better in spite of her own situation. There seemed to be a collective sigh of relief, but Rin could only look troubled. What Haru had given them was a half-truth. She _had_ been caught in an undertow. She _had_ panicked. Maybe her leg really had cramped too. But that fear in her eyes… they didn’t know her well enough to discern blind panic from sheer terror. Even Haruka had never seen her look that way, when he’d been the cause of that fear in her eyes. Maybe it was better this way. Maybe it was best if this particular secret remained between Rin, Makoto and Haru. Even so, there was something… _wrong_ , something he couldn’t place, and it made his chest ache.

Rin looked at Haru, and then to the cabin door. He sat still for a long while, thinking.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Rin slipped into the cabin silently, trying not look like he’d been pacing, “Hey.”

Makoto looked up. Her face was puffy and her expression looked pinched and tired, but she seemed to be a lot better than before. She tried for a smile, but it came out wavering and he wished she wouldn’t try to when she didn’t feel like it.

“Oh,” she said, “I thought it might be Haru.”

“He’s getting you something hot to drink.”

“I see. I just,” she half-whispered, scrubbing her eyes with the back of her hand, “Wanted to thank you for jumping in after me.”

“…I didn’t do anything.”

“You did. I’m really happy.”

“Don’t force yourself, all right? You’re entitled to feel like shit.”

That made an actual smile ghost across her lips before she curled up into herself. Her shoulders shook as she tried to hold back, but Makoto began to cry in earnest. Rin sat awkwardly by her side, not sure if he was allowed to touch her.

“I feel so stupid,” her voice cracked as she buried her face in her hands, “I feel so stupid, especially with you here.”

“Hey,” Rin said firmly, and this time he reached for her, pulling away one of her hands by the wrist, “Don’t say that.”

“What have I got to be afraid of?” She looked at him desperately, “I _swore_ I had this under control, I _swore_ …”

“There’s nothing wrong with being afraid of the sea.”

“But there _is_. I’m such a… a burden on my members. What kind of swim club captain is afraid of the _ocean_ …”

“You’re not a burden.”

“I hate,” she gasped, “I hate this. I hate looking like this. I hate being like this in front of you. I hate being afraid. What have I got to be afraid of? I… I haven’t _lost_ anything, not to the ocean, not like…”

Rin understood exactly what she meant and he forced the tight feeling in his stomach away, forced it under lock and key. He pulled her hands away, placed both of his on either side of her cheek and made her look at him. That’s what Haruka had done, how he’d gotten her to snap out of it. Rin wiped her tears away with his thumbs.

“Makoto,” he said, after a deep breath, “You’re _human_. It doesn’t matter whether or not you have a reason to be scared of the ocean. You just are scared. That doesn’t make you better or worse than anyone, least of all me.”

She grasped his hands with her own, crying silently despite it all, and Rin looked at her as seriously as he could, trying to communicate his sincerity.

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, okay? So you shouldn’t think that about yourself.”

Her voice hitched and her eyes lowered. He could see droplets of tears clinging to her lashes, felt the room was so quiet that her soft puffs of air were loud to his own ears. He wanted her to look at him again. He wanted to lean in closer.

“Okay,” she finally whispered after a long moment, voice soft and almost reverent, “Thank you.”

He wiped her tears away again. In the background, the door to the cabin opened and he saw her eyes latching onto the newcomer with a look he could easily place. Rin stood up brushing his knees and said nothing even though Haruka was giving him a questioning look. As he was about to exit, a quick glance back only confirmed what he already knew: How tightly she held onto Haru’s hand, how much she leaned into his touch, how much calmer she seemed to be as he brushed her hair away. Not wanting to think of anything more, Rin left. He knew where her heart lay, had known from the beginning. He knew what he was getting into, who he was up against… who he’d always be up against. He had no right to feel this way. 

It was fine.

Even if it wasn’t, he’d make it be.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Thing had been considerably less dramatic after that. The culplrits apologised, the teachers nagged, and the snorkelling went off without a hitch, although they had to cut it short due to changes in the weather. Once Makoto was back to normal, she’d gone up to soothe everyone and remind them that she didn’t blame them for what had happened, although she did caution them against such pranks in the future. For what it was worth, the Samezukites seemed to look at her as though she’d sprouted a halo and a pair of wings. They spent the rest of the trip trying to make it up to her, buying her food and souvenirs and carrying her things. Suffice to say, the other Iwatobi members milked it for all it was worth.

Rin just avoided everyone.

They were focused on Makoto, which was good. He knew Mikoshiba had been trying to get him to join their shopping trip, but let well enough alone. He slunk in the background, keeping out of sight, and eventually the day came to a close. He spent the weekend training and doing his homework. Nitori seemed to feel like he was back to normal, for the most part. Gou kept texting him. He ignored her. Fact was he didn’t bother, just skipped reading his messages and rejected what few phone calls he got. Makoto tried once or twice. Those, he just allowed to keep ringing until it stopped, Nitori’s staring be damned. He’d hovered over the voice mail button a few times but held fast. No, he just needed to focus on swimming and nothing else, and maybe eventually, he’d be able to look them in the eye again, without any doubt or resentment.

And then, Haruka called.

  
  


* * *

  
  


“…What do you want.”

“I didn’t think you’d pick up. Kou and Mako say you haven’t been.”

“Make it quick.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

Rin paused, caught off-guard, “…what for.”

“Whatever you said to her. It… helped. So, thanks.”

…To Makoto? He hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t done _anything_. That was what was eating him up; Haru had been the one who saved her, Haru had been the one to calm her down, Haru had been the one she’d _asked_ for. Rin gripped his phone tightly, tried to swallow down all the bitterness and regret, tried to remember why he was doing what he was doing. So Makoto chose him. It was fine. He was fine with it. He’d always known what it was going to be. Who’d choose _Rin?_ It hurt like hell, but he had to bear it like he bore everything else. And at the end of the day, he wasn’t so petty that he’d want them to be _unhappy_.

No. He was dealing with it. He was a better person, because Makoto taught him to be a better person. It didn’t matter who she chose. He couldn’t think of her anymore, not in the way he’d wanted to. It was down to what it had always been down to. He was going to draw the line in the sand now, and he’d hold fast to it, and he’d never forget it again. 

“… Haru.”

“Yes?”

 _Take care of her._ “…I’ll see you in the prefecturals.”

“Yeah. See you.”

Rin hung up. Wanted to kick something. Wanted to throw something.

This was it, the line in the sand.

He’d made his decision.

He grabbed his running gear and bolted out of the dorm.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Everything hurt.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Maybe it was all just in his head, but Rin had never felt so completely worn out before. He’d definitely run as hard as his body could take it, but he never remembered it being this exhausting. Maybe the mental shelling had finally taken its toll on him and made him feel even worse, on top of the physical fatigue. But tiring was good. Tiring kept his mind away from thinking. Tiring just made him want to shower and sleep, even if his muscles felt sore and his limbs were on the verge of falling off. He wasn’t such an idiot that he’d work himself out ragged to the point of danger, but he figured this kind of mind set might prove to be an overall benefit to his training regimen. He just had to keep busy. This was good. He was good. He was going to collapse.

Rin decided to limp back the last twenty metres or so back. He’d done more than twice his normal circuit and he didn’t think he’d be doing something so stupid again.

Well, it remained to be seen. Particularly as he caught sight of Makoto, standing up straight from where she had been squatting by the entrance of his dorm.

“You look like a delinquent like that,” he said breathlessly, not quite meeting her eyes. 

He felt her smile at him. “You won’t answer my calls.”

“I’ve been occupied,” which was the truth. 

“Could we please talk? For a little while?”

“We’re talking now.”

“We could talk right here if you insist, but I… privacy would be good. I just… it’s,” she let out a frustrated huff of air, and he didn’t find it charming in the least, “Please?”

He ignored the way his heart simultaneously clenched and skipped a beat. He knew exactly what she wanted to talk about. She was going to tell him her decision. He hated the thought of it, dreaded the very prospect. It had been the very reason why he’d been avoiding her and everyone else in his orbit. He couldn’t do this, didn’t want to do this. But if he wanted her to leave, he needed her to get it over with _fast_ or he didn’t know what the hell his feelings would do and it would be _shit_.

“…fine,” he said, voice rough. Without raising his eyes from the ground, he turned into the academy compound. Makoto matched his pace, and he distracted the dorm manager as she snuck to the corridor that led to his room.

He opened the door wide. “Nitori. Get out for a bit.”

Nitori looked like he wanted to protest, but he caught sight of Makoto standing behind Rin, and quickly made himself scarce. Rin locked the door behind them and stood in front of his bed, arms crossed.

“Okay,” he said grimly, “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Get this over…” Makoto looked at him in surprise, “Do you… Is that how you think?”

“Please,” Rin said, willing himself to sound calm and his voice to remain even, “Just say what you need to. Do it quick.”

“Oh… All right then.”

Makoto fidgeted slightly, glancing down and then looking at Rin’s face.

“If we don’t date, would you still be my friend?” 

She blurted the words out, and once they sunk in, it felt like a slap to the face. Rin dug his fingers into his arms, forcing himself to take slow breaths, because she wasn’t done talking, and he didn’t want to draw it out anymore than he needed to with interruptions.

“I just… I was really happy when we spent time together. I want to know that that was because you genuinely enjoyed being with me as a person and not… Well, I don’t think you’re shallow at all, I just…”

Makoto trailed off, biting her lower lip. Rin could guess what she was thinking about, and it _did_ hurt to be rejected like this, but he also understood the kind of person Makoto was. She still wanted to be friends. It would be hard but he didn’t want to cut her out of his life, not when he made Gou happy, and especially not when she made him happy.

“Yeah,” Rin finally said, with a heavy and resigned sigh, “Okay. Sure.”

She looked up at him, something like hope in her eyes, “Do you mean that?”

Rin swallowed down the lump in his throat, “Yes.”

“Okay,” she said, and her smile widened subtly, and he hated himself for noticing, “I know that… I know that I talk about Haru a lot. But I just can’t help it, you know?”

“Yeah,” Rin managed to force out.

“It’s just that we’ve spent so much time together, growing up. We’ve looked after each other all these years and, well, we even sit side by side in the classroom. It’s inevitable that he comes up a lot.”

“I get that.”

“I know everyone thinks we’re joined at the hip, but he’s just really important to me. He looks out for me, despite what other people think, and I can’t imagine not being with—”

“ _Makoto_ ,” Rin interjected harshly, withholding a sigh as he knitted his eyebrows and pinched the bridge of his nose, “ _Fine_. I _get_ it. Yes, I like you, and yes, you chose _him_ , but you don’t have to rub it in. Give a guy a break—”

“—Which is why,” she continued loudly, as though he hadn’t spoke, deliberately not looking at him, “If you can accept that…”

She said nothing more. 

Rin lowered his hand slowly and stared at her.

“…Wait,” he said, taking a tentative step closer. Makoto’s head was lowered and her hair covered her eyes and he couldn’t see her face, “Wait. Did you just…”

Rin swallowed, his heart jumping in his chest, afraid and excited all at once. 

“Was that a ‘yes’?”

For the longest minute in his life, Makoto said absolutely nothing. And then, in the smallest voice:

“… yeah.”

“But I thought…” His mouth was still dry, “Why’d you say that thing about being friends, then?”

“I just… I really like you, and I really spending time with you, with or without a relationship. What if we date, and then you realise that’s not what you wanted? Would that be all you were looking for in me? Couldn’t I still see you and hang out together? And what if you become that Olympic swimmer that you always said you’d be? I-I don’t know if that’s what I want to do, and I’m afraid we’ll drift apart and… You don’t… That’s what I…” 

“After what happened on the boat…” Rin chewed on his bottom lip, “I thought you chose Haru.”

That prompted her to look up at him in surprise.

“I could barely think straight then, much less make such a big decision. I just… I was glad he was there. And I was glad _you_ were there. And, yes, while I do like Haru, he’s not…” She started to sound frustrated, “He’ll always _be there_ for me, and I’ll be there for him too, but I… I just _fit_ with you.”

She ducked her head down again, voice quiet, “You make me want to be… better, to win, and to be firm, to be honest, to work hard like you. And I… I just want to be with you.”

He didn’t even feel himself move, but when he came to, Rin had placed his hands on her shoulders, bending a little lower to look up at her face. She was bright red and her eyes were watery.

“Hey,” he said softly, eyes searching hers, “Can I kiss you?”

Makoto let out a breathless laugh, nodding as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. They met halfway, lingering briefly, and Rin could barely believe it. Didn’t want to wake up if this was a dream. 

“You’re still such a cry baby,” Rin murmured when they broke apart, running a thumb over the tearstains of her cheek. She flushed slightly but met his eyes. “Do me a favour and don’t talk about Haru more than you need to, all right? Just… There’s only so much of him I can take… You understand.”

“I do,” she whispered, but she was smiling at him, red nose and all, and it made his heart so damn full that he felt like he would burst when she closed her eyes and cradled his head in her hands and kissed him like she meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOM. This is the end. 
> 
> Writing is hard, but I hoped you guys liked this short story. Please do tell me your thoughts in the comments and feel free to pimp it out. Like, I'd never say no to that.
> 
> Genderbenders have never really been popular regardless of the fandom, but you guys made it fun for me to write and kept me pumped for it, because you seemed to enjoy it so much. So thanks for all your support, guys!


End file.
